UNITED KINGDOM: Man Arrested for Having Potato Peeler in Public

UK Potato Peeler

The United Kingdom is making great strides to protect its people. First they went HAM on gun control. Then came knife control (see London Mayor Calls for Common Sense Knife Control and Cookie Monster is the Spokesman for Knife Control in England). Now they’re cracking down on veggie tools.

In case you needed further proof that Britain is a crumpet-stuffing joke:

A man ended up behind bars after being found in a Dunfermline street with an offensive weapon, a potato peeler.

Scott Walker, 39, of the James Bank Hostel, James Street, appeared from custody at Dunfermline Sheriff Court.

He admitted that on Saturday in Appin Crescent, a public place, he was in possession of an object that which had a blade or was sharply pointed, namely a potato peeler.

Defence solicitor Selina McKay said her client “suffers from significant learning difficulties which have been lifelong”.

Sheriff Pino di Emidio called for reports and Walker will return to court on May 16 for sentencing.

For the record, we were being sarcastic when we asked the United Kingdom if “fork control” was next. It wasn’t meant as a challenge. But the UK still decided to have a “hold my tea” moment. Now Britons are being thrown in the clink for waltzing about with potato peelers in tow. Naturally.

There are no details yet as to why this man had a peeler with him. Perhaps he was on his way to skin a few veggies. Possible vegicide. Or maybe he’s truly a psycho on his way to slice off a fresh piece of flesh. At any rate, there isn’t a report of him actually engaging in any violence. The original article simply states his crime was… having a mildly sharp object in public. Which goes strictly against the Cookie Monster’s orders. So.

The trial is set for later this month. No word yet on what the punishment could be for this peely perp. Perhaps they’ll force him to undergo a meal of un-skinned vegetables.

This is how Britain chooses to direct their policing efforts and resources. Apprehending and trying a man with a potato peeler. Meanwhile: UK Has More Online Terrorist Content Than Any Other European CountryBritain Doomed? FIVE Acid Attacks Took Place in London in Just 90 Minutes and UK City Willingly Ignored Child Rape Epidemic for Decades. Interesting priorities for a nation riddled with rape, acid attacks, and terrorism.

The United Kingdom has failed its people. Which is why we direct all the mockery towards their government. Crowder gracefully indulges in said mockery below.

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