According to people who'd rather size up than cut back, you are beautiful whatever number of rolls contained in your muffin top. Far be it from me to object to the widening standards of beauty, even though I have, repeatedly, over the last fourish years of my writing tenure on this website. But now there's a new fat-shaming troll working its way through the body pride movement: COVID-19. Perhaps you've heard of it. According to the study linked below, it would appear the WuHuFlu is targeting people of a certain size more than others of a smaller size. I bring this up not to specifically fat-shame anyone specifically (redundant on purpose, thanks), but because the most vocal in the body positivity movement insist that being of a more robust mass is still healthy. COVID-19 disagrees.

First, "Factors associated with hospitalization and critical illness among 4,103 patients with COVID-19 disease in New York City." It is a "cross-sectional analysis of all patients with laboratory-confirmed Covid-19 treated at a single academic health system in New York City" and was conducted during one month, from March to April. With "the primary outcomes were hospitalization and critical illness (intensive care, mechanical ventilation, hospice and/or death)."

The first risk of a bad case of the Kung Flu requiring serious attention was being of a certain age. The age at which every day you wake up is cause for celebration. Then this, bolded for your pleasure:

Among 4,103 Covid-19 patients, 1,999 (48.7%) were hospitalized, of whom 981/1,999 (49.1%) have been discharged home, and 292/1,999 (14.6%) have died or were discharged to hospice. Of 445 patients requiring mechanical ventilation, 162/445 (36.4%) have died. Strongest hospitalization risks were age ≥75 years (OR 66.8, 95% CI, 44.7-102.6), age 65-74 (OR 10.9, 95% CI, 8.35-14.34), BMI>40 (OR 6.2, 95% CI, 4.2-9.3), and heart failure (OR 4.3 95% CI, 1.9-11.2).

That's a body mass index greater than 40. We're talking big people here. Individuals the body pride movement might all caps bold and underline as BEAUTIFUL, YOU BIGOT.

But wait, there's more:

In the decision tree for admission, the most important features were age >65 and obesity

The greatest risk-factors, according to this study, of COVID-19 mortality are being upwards of 65-years-old and upwards of what the dating websites would lovingly call "a few extra pounds."

These are not my health guidelines. These are not my beauty guidelines. The above comes from a study conducted by people who seem to have nothing to gain from those screaming about how you shouldn't judge them for their gains.

Yet the mostly-ladies screaming about how all sizes are just as lovely as Kate Upton's typically pair their redefining beauty declarations with "fat is healthy." Check out the two videos below for a fast delivery:

• Fat Pride: The Unfiltered, Unpopular Truth!
• Steven Crowder Debunk's BBC's Thin Privilege

COVID-19 most adversely affects those who are not healthy. This is just the information we have so far. I am forced to title this article an OpEd to appease the Facebook and Big Tech gods who command I label anything which diverts from WHO as "opinion" lest they not deliver it to you. I don't make the rules and I'm not smart enough to create a new Facebook. Sorry.

So, it is MY OPINION (ahem) that due to COVID-19 adversely affecting the old and/or non-healthy, and obese people being struck with COVID adversely, that we must now unequivocally label obesity as being unhealthy.

Seem fair?

Plenty of us already know that to be fat is to be unhealthy. But it's about time the fat pride and body positivity movement understand that one cannot be fat and healthy just as one cannot be Hillary Clinton and president. I'm sorry for the non sequitur joke, but I do miss mocking Hillary for losing to Trump.

Lives are at stake here. Wasn't the entire purpose of the shutdown and the "shelter in place" orders to "save lives"? I mean, after the point was to flatten the curve? If only the obese were as active as the shifting COVID shutdown goalposts.

If we care about saving lives, if we are willing to put upwards of 30 million people on the unemployed list, while risking however many more lives for the after effects of the shutdown, all under the guise of flattening the curve "saving lives" then doesn't it stand to reason we stop selling the fat pride lie that fat is beautiful?

Perhaps what should've been locked down wasn't the entire country, but an obese person's pantry. Stunning and brave though that individual may be, especially if she flaunts her belly rolls curves in a skanky two piece.

Shouldn't it be fat-pride activists who lead the charge to save their own? If governors are scolding people to "stay home to save lives" and instituting lockdowns to keep people healthy, doesn't it stand to reason we should at least be allowed to have the conversation that perhaps maybe, just maybe, possessing the BMI of Shamu may not be the best health choice? What better way to start a new movement for health than to stop labeling bad health as beautiful.

Go ahead and let me know how much I must hate fat people's feelings for saying to be fat is to be at greater risk of COVID-19 death.