Today is the best day. Firstly, a badass in Maine woke up on the right side of his bed (probably the side where he keeps all his guns) and decided he was going to have fun with a new sign: Black Rifles Matter. Then South Park’s 20th season is set to open by mocking idiot athletes like Colin Kaepernick. Win. Rick Perry, the former governor of Texas became the new Lord of the Dance and is on Dancing with the Stars. How could the day get any better? Well, just when I thought it couldn’t, Katie Couric got hit with a massive lawsuit.
I’m totally playing the lottery tonight.
Having debuted at the Sundance Film Festival in January, the documentary itself came under the gun in May, when members of the Virginia Citizens Defense League (VCDL) claimed that it slighted them by mal-editing an interview in which they’d participated. In response to a question from Couric, the film’s narrator, the gun rights advocates were depicted as sitting in baffled silence for nearly 10 seconds.
In fact, they had supplied an extensive response to Couric’s question.
If you need a quick refresher, we of course covered the Couric Cutting Caper when it happened. Read RED-HANDED: Katie Couric Caught Editing Video to Push Anti-Gun Lies… But if you’d rather not click, because you’re so gosh-darn captivated by the current post, here’s what happened: Katie Couric deceptively edited a video to portray Second Amendment supporters as borderline functionally retarded rednecks who couldn’t answer basic gun-control advocate talking points. Or tie their shoes.
In a plot twist gun-rights advocates saw coming, the people maligned in Couric’s documentary are standing up for themselves.
Filed in a Virginia federal court by Elizabeth Locke of Clare Locke LLP, the complaint states, “The Defendants manipulated the footage in service of an agenda: they wanted to establish that there is no basis for opposing background checks, by fooling viewers into believing that even a panel of pro-Second Amendment advocates could not provide one.” It seeks compensatory damages of $12 million, and punitive damages of $350,000 per plaintiff.
My opinion? Not enough money. But that’s just me. I would’ve gone for a billion, but I’m just a greedy capitalist. Oh stop, I’m joking around. I’d go for whatever sum of money my lawyers thought I could get from the dishonest cretins with a blatant, anti-American agenda.
I hope they win.
Then I’d ask for it cashed in fives and tens, so I could swim in the cash like Scrooge McDuck. Wait, he swims in coins, yes? Right, I’m sure I have a gif for that too. It’s coming. Problem with coins, they’re tough on the skin. But hey, with all that cash, put some lotion on it. And not the cheap crap either. Spa-quality. So even if I didn’t have a million bucks, I could FEEL LIKE IT. Then after the spa-treatment, I’d go out and buy ammo by the pallet, and maybe a couple more Scary Black Rifles. Why not?
Told you I had that gif. Always be prepared with cash-related animations. For when one must celebrate Couric getting her pants sued off.
And no, I’m not a supporter of frivolous lawsuits. But this here isn’t a frivolous lawsuit. Couric and her crew of anti-gun fecal patties knew what they were doing. They had an agenda, gosh darn it: to paint gun-owners as ignorant, uncaring rednecks who cared more about their boom-boom sticks than about people getting shot by said boom-boom sticks.
Turns out, no. Because reality matters, beyotches.
The “beyotch” talk? I blame it on the money gifs.
I hope Couric loses.
Yes, I hope the plaintiffs win this case. I’m aware my bias is showing. I’m going to pretend I was awarded that kind of cash for the rest of the day. Think about what I’d buy first.
But the big takeaway (other than what will hopefully be fat stacks), is never to screw around with people who use the heart emoji when discussing their self-defense rights. They’re not pushovers, the self-defense crowd. I thought that went without saying. Ah, leftists. So stupid sometimes it hurts. Though in this case, funny as this…
What do you think? Will Couric settle? Will this go to court? What should the plaintiffs buy first if they win? Sound off in the comments.