Eric Swalwell Appears to Fart on Live TV, Prompting #FartGate to Trend. It is Spectacular.
#FartGate is not the trend we deserve, it is the trend we need. Sure, serious news has its place. We should all stay informed about the issues that matter. Planned Parenthood is killing babies, selling their parts, and suing people who expose them for killing babies and selling their parts. Children are being brainwashed by rotund gender non-conforming sasquatches. Democrats are hoping to impeach a president for [reasons change monthly]. The only good thing to come from the impeachment proceedings was Eric Swalwell, who while on MSNBC, boofed a big wet one.
Behold, the internet making up for its terrible ways in just one trend:
Note the microsecond of pause in his sentence, coupled with a slight narrowing of his eyes. Most importantly though… https://t.co/rEKuxRPMWz— Corey Stallings (@Corey Stallings) 1574173550.0
Some of you may recognize the name "Corey Stallings." He worked for Louder with Crowder before embarking upon an engineering career. As his former editor, I asked him to follow up his tweet with an isometric drawing. He delivered:
@Courtneyscoffs Ask and you shall receive... https://t.co/NGRTGk2KX3— Corey Stallings (@Corey Stallings) 1574174380.0
Proud to know you, Corey. Proud.
Comfortably Smug, Twitter's version of a well-timed smirk, came in with this combo:
The FCC should investigate what @ericswalwell just did, that disgusting, vulgar display has no place on live television.— Comfortably Smug (@Comfortably Smug) 1574125900.0
I'm calling on @ericswalwell to resign for farting so loudly on live television. Children or anyone could have bee… https://t.co/aefap0UEvd— Comfortably Smug (@Comfortably Smug) 1574125272.0
I'm also filing a labor dispute, as Swalwell clearly violated the contract of Quarter-Black Garrett who is often tasked with adding fart sounds for our recurring Piece of Sh*t segment. How, now, can he fulfill his producing doodies?
Most fortunately for humanity, the FCC head responded:
I hate to cause a stink, but we have to decline the invitation; any @FCC investigation would abruptly run out of ga… https://t.co/uTk8Sab1uO— Ajit Pai (@Ajit Pai) 1574173823.0
But Smug wasn't the only one who took this stinker seriously. Here comes Tim Pool full of research.
Holy Shit Straight from https://t.co/ewoEvmdLML At the 34 second mark there is a loud fart noise Swalwell even p… https://t.co/oP6IXuIo7X— Tim Pool (@Tim Pool) 1574125844.0
So thorough, Tim. Glad to see that when it comes to wet butt trumpets, we're all on the same ply.
Not to be outdone by Ian Miles Cheong, who had to go there with a Biden meme. Solid work, Ian. Unlike Eric, who's work was more gaseous in nature.
Creepy Joe Biden goes in for a Swalwell sniff. #FartGate https://t.co/JlDLdtN0J1— Ian Miles Cheong (@Ian Miles Cheong) 1574128761.0
All this attention caused Tooter in Chief to deny, deny, deny his gas-passing ways. So a media figure did a little digging:
NEWS: SWALWELL denies it was him who farted on MSNBC: https://t.co/IYmHwYfuGf— Addy Baird (@Addy Baird) 1574126708.0
The gentleman doth protest too much, hestinks.
But wait, because now we're slowing down the footage.
I’ve isolated and slowed the moment of the fart. You can clearly see Swalwell brace forward, tense up for a moment,… https://t.co/u3ggU4ywzw— Stephen L. Miller (@Stephen L. Miller) 1574131282.0
At some point during the night, Hardball went running to Swalwell's defense, armed with a scapegoat and a book of matches.
Sorry to disappoint the conspiracy theorists - it was the #hardball mug scraping across the desk. Get yours today a… https://t.co/6wp5Au9bW3— Hardball (@Hardball) 1574135949.0
Blaming a mug. So for the record, Elizabeth Warren sells billionaire tears, Daily Wire sells cancer, Louder with Crowder sells perfection, and Hardball sells anal aromas.
Not convinced it wasn't something more nefarious, Dave Rubin.
@hardball You sure it wasn’t Russia?— Dave Rubin (@Dave Rubin) 1574138904.0
All this blaming inspired someone to speak up on the behalf of mugs and general truth:
The Hardball mug isn't responsible for #fartgate and Epstein didn't kill himself https://t.co/XJypo5URJb— Steven Crowder (@Steven Crowder) 1574138053.0
You'd think it couldn't get better than a well-timed Epstein meme. Oh how wrongeth you are.
Last one... I swear. Greta reacts to #FartGate https://t.co/tcea6g0Zo7— Carpe Donktum🔹 (@Carpe Donktum🔹) 1574140820.0
Absolutely epic. It was a tie between the one above, and the one below. It's a fart off, and you need to vote for the winner.
#FartGate: Infrared Evidence https://t.co/CR1dRb9gAH— PolishPatriot™️ (@PolishPatriot™️) 1574165547.0
I am dead.
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