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January 18, 2019
College Students Given Bubble Wrap to Help with Stress. But Even That Stresses Them Out.
How we handle our own life experiences depends on our life experiences. In that a person who's experienced great pain is more able to handle lesser pain. That person is also more receptive to great joy. In essense, life is a graph: the more one has suffered, the more one can appreciate happiness. Which brings me to college students, who can't handle the idea of final exams and need intervention via popping bubble wrap.
From Metro UK:
The packets of bubble wrap come with instructions: ‘For immediate stress relief. Pop three capsules every 4-6 hours, or as needed’.
*opens new text to Steven Crowder* Hi Steven, so I hate to bother you, but all this Trump vs. Pelosi silliness has me in a tizzy. Please send me bubble wrap so I don't do something drastic like... well I don't actually know but I'M JUST SO STRESSED I NEED POPPITY POP POPS" *hits send*
These students aren't going to war, they're not in the final days of escrow, they're not entering an IRS audit: they're taking final exams. At a school they're paying to attend. It's their personal choice. Now, as a college graduate myself, I understand it's stressful to take five tests in a week. Sure. Though as an English major, it was me mostly writing five essays. Still, yes, it was exhausting. But somehow I managed without intervention via bubble-wrap-pop-dosage. As did most college student in the early 2000s.
But wait, because it gets even more embarrassing. So cocooned are the college babes of now (Generation Z, by the way, Millennials are done with college so spare me), giving them bubble wrap was causing them stress. Because of the baby polar bears.
But some students have apparently become more stressed by the bubble wrap therapy and its potential to cause plastic waste.
Not to worry my stressed little goslings. The bubble wrap is being recycled. It was previously used to ship wine to the future employers of these fragile-minded twits. Drink up me hearties. Related: WATCH: College Students Love Socialism, They Just Don't Know What It Is.
The only lesson here is the reason we fantasize as a culture about the zombie apocalypse, or any other apocalypse, is because our modern lives are so devoid of actual suffering we need real suffering to prove ourselves and to feel alive. Also to see students like these dweebs eaten by zombies. "Oh, sorry about that monster, who used to be Skylar, gnawing on your leg! If only you had some bubble wrap to get you through this tough time!"