If we’re keeping score
It’s he said she said at best
(Neither Will Be President)
– Taking Back Sunday, 2020 Remix
Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren sure were addicts for dramatics at Tuesday’s presidential debate. While the actual debate was an exercise in why Donald Trump is going to be reelected, the exciting stuff happened after the debate when Elizabeth Warren refused to shake Bernie Sanders’s hand. CNN has “uncovered” the audio of what went down post slap fighting. Uncovered from their own microphones. Because it was their debate. Also, did I mention CNN was the network Warren’s campaign leaked the info to in the first place? Seems relevant.
FAUXCAHONTAS: I think you called me a liar on national TV.
OLD MAN WITHERS FROM THE ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK: You know, let’s not do it right now. If you want to have that discussion, we’ll have that discussion.
OLD MAN WITHERS FROM THE ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK: You called ME a liar.
Somewhere in Washington DC, Donald Trump just ordered Mike Pence to bring him popcorn. And to put each kernel in his mouth one at a time.
Some may say, “Hey Brodigan! How dare you sexistily accuse Warren’s campaign of leaking the info! Would you say that about someone with a penis?” Yes. Yes I would. Because here’s what I’ve learned from my past life as a dreaded political consultant. In political campaigns, if the media ever reports on something bad about one of the candidates, it’s rarely not something that was planted there by a rival campaign.
No shoe-leather reporting. Reporters don’t get it from working over their sources. They get it from campaigns saying, “Hey, we have this thing about the person we’re running against. Wanna help?”
Sure, there’s a chance this didn’t come right from Warren’s campaign. Conveniently timed right before a debate on the network that reported the “news.” That also manages to perfectly coordinate with Warren’s final campaign push towards the Iowa Caucus. There’s also a chance monkeys might fly out of my butt.