Some people really are beyond parody. Candace Bure, who's been married to her husband Val Bure for 24 years, posted a photo to her Instagram Stories wherein her husband had his arm around her shoulders with a hand placed atop her bewb. If you're staring at the screen in a look of consternation, wondering why we're even here talking about this, congratulations, you're not a freak. Based on what Candace has said about the "incident" it would seem some people online don't know where babies come from. Do not tell them, it might shatter their illusions of love.

According to Page Six, Bure initially deleted the photo after getting trolled by a bunch of... well, not even prudes. I'm not sure what to call these joyless tw*ts who can't even over a husband holding his wife's breast. But then she realized she wasn't the one who was wrong, and re-uploaded what I'd categorize as "marriage goals." She added:

"For all of the Christians that are questioning my post with my husband's hand on my boob — my husband of 24 years — thinking it was inappropriate, it makes me laugh because it's my husband. We have so much fun together," she responded in a series of since-deleted videos, the Daily Mail reports.

I have to assume the trolls shaming Candace for a little boob grabbage also have two adjoining twin beds with at least 2 feet separation. They probably sleep in full length silk pajamas, buttoned all the way to the neck. They only hold hands during scary movies, offer but one peck on the cheek in greetings and goodbyes, and say things like "gee golly" without irony. They're the types of people I mentioned casually in this post about forbidding their precious offspring, obviously delivered via a pure white stork on a Sunday after church, to watch Star Wars for fear it might taint their view of The Lord Jesus.

"I'm sorry if it offended you — I'm actually not sorry," she said with a laugh. "I'm glad we have fun together after so many years. He can touch me all day long."

See, when I first saw this story, after having a chuckle at the kinds of squares who'd be upset by it, I thought what we should really be celebrating is that a couple married for 24 years was still hot for each other. Val can't help his lady is still looking smoking all these years later and, if I may say, has a nice pair of bodacious ta-tas.

So I don't know who needs to hear this, but obviously quite a few: married couples touch each other in places. They do more than write lengthy love letters using nothing but chaste language. They also, sometimes, have sex. Sometimes not even to create babies. Sometimes, and brace yourselves for this, couples have sex for the fun of it.

Real mystery why some people on the Christian right get mocked for being puritans. I'll have to research this phenomenon further.

But here's something which should get you riled up:

Netflix Released CUTIES...It's Worse Than You Imagined. | Louder With Crowder youtu.be

Not subscribed to the podcast? Fix that! It's completely free.