This is real. This is sad. This is hilarious. A law-breaking ruffian wearing a Day of the Dead mask robbed a Wells Fargo bank in the State of California. America’s answer to the world’s question of “But is it stupid enough?” In addition to being charged with bank robbery, the insensitive fiend may also be slapped with crimes against peoples to which he is not a member. That’s right, Robber Von Bankstealer violated the strict rules of cultural appropriation. Imagine his charges had he robbed the Santa Monica bank with a thick stack of plastic straws.
A representative of the Santa Monica Police Department did not respond to Yahoo Lifestyle’s request for comment. “Use of a Day of the Dead Mask during a robbery can be a separate offense or an enhancement, under the California Penal Code,” a police spokesperson said in a press release, per the Observer. “In this case, the suspect is sought for violating the rights of indigenous peoples, and for bank robbery.”
… and for bank robbery. Like “Oh, oh, yes I almost forgot. The racist also stole money that wasn’t his. Sure. But the real crime here is wearing a mask from a culture not included in his 23 and Me results.”
Also noted in the article, 80 police officers responded to this robbery. Eighty. As in one more than seventy-nine cops showed up to take down this cultural plunderer. Who got away. Yes, though 80 cops responded, the suspect is still at large. In California’s Finest defense, our masked deviant also carried a shotgun. We do not know if the thief’s music playlist includes “La Cucaracha.” He better not.
A spokesperson from Wells Fargo tells Yahoo Lifestyle, “We are working with law enforcement and are unable to provide more details as this is an ongoing criminal investigation. Wells Fargo values and promotes diversity and inclusion in all aspects of business at all levels. We do not tolerate racism, cultural appropriation or discrimination of any kind.”
Remember, dude robbed a bank with a shotgun. But Wells Fargo is most bothered by the mask.
Sure, we could chalk this up to California being just slightly less sane than a lobotomized geriatric, mumbling as he sits in a chair filled with his own crap. But if you think this kind of crazy is limited to California, don’t be so sure. This kind of dumb has a way of exporting itself to other states via its residents who vote in idiots, are upset with the results, and move. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Best take this kind of thing seriously, even if it is in California, and nip it in whatever the Spanish word is for ass. Google says it’s “Las nalgas.” See, and you thought you weren’t going to learn anything.
Final question: if the suspect is still at large, then we don’t know what race he is. What if the dude is Mexican? Does that mean the cultural appropriation charges will be waived?
For more on California’s quest to be the stupidest place on the planet: Californian Leftists Call for a Ban on Paper Receipts and California Governor Compares Fighting Climate Change to Fighting Nazis.