BREAKING: Monkeys Attack Lab Assistant, Escape with COVID-19 Samples ... Wait, What?!
The wheels have completely come off the planet. People are losing their minds (see THIS WOMAN FORGOT HER MASK, SO SHE DROPPED HER PANTS AND PUT HER PANTIES ON HER HEAD and SCREW YOU, SOCIAL DISTANCING: GIRL KISSED — BY A STRANGER — DURING NEWS INTERVIEW). The pandemic is bad. Or not. It depends on the day and who just released new info that contradicts the previous info. I'd like to think if there's one thing everyone can agree on, monkeys attacking lab assistants and stealing virus samples is at the very least concerning.
This takes place in Delhi, India, where apparently the monkeys have been feeling themselves. I hope one of you is going to fact-check me and call me out that I got tricked by cleverly written satire. Because, just, wow. The Tim Burton remake of Planet of the Apes was bad enough.
The bizarre incident saw the troop of primates launch their assault near Meerut Medical College in Delhi, India.
According to local media, the animals then snatched COVID-19 test samples from three patients and fled. One of the monkeys was later spotted in a tree chewing one of the sample collection kits, the Times of India reported - adding that test samples from the patients had to be taken again.
While they have proved an increasing problem in urban areas of the country in recent years, lockdown measures in the last two months have emboldened the monkeys.
According to the paper, the monkeys haven't been social distancing, but have been gathering in areas of Delhi which are typically full of people. Quick, someone get those primates some masks.
This just got real, fam.
Monkey conspiracy scene (from Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back) youtu.be
It's a good day when I can work a Jay and Silent Bob clip into a blog post. Just please, let's all agree to never speak of the reboot.
Back to the issue at hand..."emboldened the monkeys?" Who would have guessed a pandemic that started with a guy in China eating bat would bring us to the point where the monkeys are emboldened? Obviously the monkey who ate the COVID is their leader. Hopefully it's not like Gremlins 2, where he becomes the articulate one who explains to the world what the monkeys' demands are. Only these new super monkeys won't have a clear weakness, like sunlight. Just an addiction to smoking bananas.
I'm curious to see what you think the monkeys demand would be. Hit me up in the comment section. If it were me and I were a monkey, I'd want to live somewhere other than India. Maybe on a beach on the Pacific.
The monkeys are angry and taking matters into their own hands. It's not even June.
NEW GAME: Guess That Smoke Show!!! | Good Morning Mug Club youtu.be
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