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September 09, 2019
Scientist Wants Us to Eat Each Other to Save the Planet
For Trump to win re-election in 2020, all he really needs to do is point at the crazies on the left and say "I'm not them." Landslide victory. Now we have a scientist, albeit not an American but a Swedish meatball (in the pre-packaged stage), suggesting one way we might save the planet is by eating each other. Yes, cannibalism. Yes, Jeffery Dahmer's go-to lean cuisine. Yes, the same diet pioneered by cannibals the world over and one famous travel party trying to make it to a better life in California. Meat Magnus Soderlund, a professor at the Stockholm School of Economics, who saw Silence of the Lambs and said "Sure."
From The New York Post:
Soderlund’s argument for human cannibalism was front and center during a panel talk called “Can you Imagine Eating Human Flesh?” at the Gastro Summit, reports The Epoch Times. “Conservative” taboos against cannibalism, he said, can change over time if peoples simply tried eating human flesh.
Guys, we need to just "simply try" eating people. All this "eating each other is gross" malarkey is just conservative taboos raining all over the homo sapien buffet. Open your minds and imagine how your neighbor would taste dipped in sweet and sour sauce. Just think how tasty your well marbled barista is slow roasted with russet potatoes. Next time you see your doctor, ask him about the health benefits of dead baby flesh. So soft. So tender.
Maybe this is your mother in law
The good news is Soderlund isn't suggesting we slaughter people like cattle, only that we nom nom on already dead folks. Yes, that was my main hangup to this entire plan too, not how to marinate man flesh, but the logistics of obtaining said man flesh.
Also, if you're not open to the idea of eating your fourth grade teacher, you might be a selfish asshole.
Some of the talking points at the seminar included whether humans were too selfish to “live sustainably” and if cannibalism is the solution to food sustainability in the future.
It's okay if you're a bit squeamish about dining on your mom. Soderlund has suggested rather than making a picnic from people with whom you used to potluck, maybe you could just eat your pet.
Yes, your pet. As in your pet. Not to be confused with cows, pigs and chickens raised specifically to be eaten, but your little furry friend. So when it comes time for Winston to shake these mortal coils, instead of cremating him and putting his ashes in an urn, just skin that MoFo, throw him on the barbecue, and slather him with Sweet Baby Ray sauce. Here lies Winston. Beloved Frenchie, tasty morsel. May he rest in pieces in my stomach. Amen.
Environmentalists can go suck a rock. I wanted to write something else. Read also Environmentalists Openly Blaming People with ‘Too Many Children’ for Climate Change.