I could write you a multi-volume tome on the fake news clusterfu*k that we call CNN. The lies. The blatant leftist bias. Topped off with a nice layer of all-around douchebaggery. Though, I’ll let Remy inform you through the majesty of song instead.

Here you go:

Overblown tales of public “outrage.” Check. Jim Acosta being a narcissistic jackass. Check. Yep, that’s CNN alright.

Truthfully, it’s hard to tell if this is a parody, or a word-for-word recreation of an actual broadcast. As Remy points out, these “stories” follow a specific template to boost their viewership. Though, if CNN’s ratings are to be believed, it’s not working.

We go through this routine over cups on the reg. Starbucks releases their Pride Month rainbow cup with the dong-shaped straw. Biodegradable, of course. Cue OUTRAGE! Of course, most peeps’ “outrage” is limited to a solitary Tweet proclaiming “that’s dumb.” Hardly the massive backlash the fake news douchelords at CNN would have you believe.

In reality, people could care less about the design scheme of Starbucks’ latest beverage vessel. They’d prefer their news sources to not manufacture fake controversies about incorrect Jeopardy responses. Trump being a slav-squatting Russian plant. The phrase “CNN sucks” being akin to assault.

The sooner CNN figures out their faux-outrage formula is a craptastic suckfest, the sooner their ratings will transcend the Mariana Trench.

Of course, if drinking implements do happen to be your thing, we’ve got you covered:

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