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Eight Philadelphia teenagers were in Polk County, Florida for a football tournament and had nothing to do. It was boring hanging out at the hotel, so they called an Uber, went to a Dick's Sporting Goods, and attempted to steal from it. "Attempted" is the keyword here, because Polk County isn't Philadelphia. Laws are enforced, stealing is frowned upon, and committing crime lands you in jail. The bonus of committing crime in Polk County is having Sheriff Grady Judd roast you publically for it.

We here at the Louder with Crowder Dot Com website appreciate any excuse we have to write about America's Sheriff, if for no other reason than it's an excuse to drop this joint:

The eight teens, aged 14-15, who put the dumb in dumb jock, were a part of the United Thoroughbreds and were playing in the championship of a tournament THAT DAY. Most athletes, the day of a tournament, wake up and have a good breakfast before maybe getting a light workout in before the game. These geniuses thought committing Retail Theft and Conspiracy to Commit Retail Theft was better use of their time.

And they stole football equipment. Part of the $2200 in stolen goods were lip guards and football gloves. Also... underwear? Did they bring none of their own equipment with them? When my niece plays in travel tournaments, she is expected to bring her gear. Not to mention a change of clothes, as one would do any time they leave home for an overnight trip.

Unfortunately, being incarcerated made it impossible to play in the big game. The United Thoroughbreds lost. I would imagine it was a long bus ride home.

When reached for comment, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has this to say:

If one wanted to be charitable to the eight youths, a case can be made that they may have been unaware of the local customs. In Philadelphia, where Democrats run the city (into the ground), and there is a Soros-funded District Attorney, paying for stuff under $950 is optional. How would these teens know that out in real America, not paying for merchandise that doesn't belong to you is called "stealing" and is "illegal?"

Lesson learned!

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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn't writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.

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