Apparently the pineapple is the newest prickly symbol of feminism.
Eww, no gross. God no. Why would you even joke about that? This is real life, stop appropriating tropical fruits for your sexual deviancy. But if you can’t stop, make sure you ask the pineapple for its consent. Get it in writing.
The fruity-tuity mascot of feminism did, of course, come from feminist gutter rag Lenny, the unfortunate bastard brain child of our favorite feminist trundle beast, Lena Dunham. For the record, Lena didn’t pen this ode to a vaginal pineapple. But since this is her newsletter, one must assume she gave it the rainbow stamp of approval. Our species is doomed.
And through various cultural factors, it is the pineapple that is still standing after the fast-moving periods of wokeness we have been going through of late.
I have no idea what this sentence is intended to convey, besides advertising the writer’s need to seek therapy. Consider this your intervention, lady.
The pineapple is the feminist fruit of our times. Stay with me here. Yes, you can playfully joke that a pineapple is a vag, but it isn’t a friendly vag! There are spikes to get around, cutting into them takes a bit of practice, and if you don’t know how to eat them right, the rind will fuck up the corner of your mouth (sorry, was that too much?).
This person was paid to write this article. The American dream works for even the spindliest of intellects.
The pineapple, which started out as a status symbol for colonizers, became a stand-in for comfort and hospitality. And then, after a young female designer turned it into the “I am woman, hear me roar” statement of her still-budding career, it’s now the primary motif of, dare I say it … the post-Trump era.
Stay with me here, if say a pizza is planet Earth, you’re saying feminism is a topping most enjoyed by hipsters and douchebags?
For the record, I like Hawaiian pizza. But who would I be if I didn’t trigger mindless twits? I have a job to do, people.
Here’s the part where I spell out just how ridiculous it is to write an essay about how a sugary fruit represents a vagina in the post-Trump era… actually I think that sentence just about covers it.
Lemme go one step into the feminist abyss for just a tad. This article best represents third wave SJW feminism: finding symbols of vaginas and oppression where there’s none, ignoring actual feminist causes ripe for the plucking. Like Islam’s abuse of women worldwide. But please. Let’s keep talking about pineapples as prickly va-jay-jays.
If you keep track of ridiculous feminist things (see Australian Columnist Wants to Legally FORCE ‘Stay-at-Home Moms’ to Work and Feminist Academic Says Modern Feminism is… Turning Men Gay), please add the pineapple to your list. Or go about your day like a normal person.