It's Thanksgiving week, a time of giving thanks, showing gratitude, and doling out generosity. What better way to celebrate the holidays than by showing a little love to you, my cantankerous feminist gal pals who find life itself a general irritant. More than that, you sisters of the traveling pant wedgies seem to have your priorities a little skewed. I think that's the crux of your problem, and why so many of you are losing support as you carry on championing causes unworthy of attention while ignoring ones that are. More to the point, you're all prettily packaged walking piles of crap.

As an example, Jen here.

Vagina isn't a dirty word. It's just not a pretty word. I'm a lady and it's just not a word I enjoy saying. Plus, isn't "vagina" exclusionary of the trans community? I thought we were supposed to use "front hole" so as not to offend ladies with junk trunks. So hard to keep up with the rules.

Second, how can one be a feminist fighting for women's rights, up to and including wearing a shirt reading "vagina is not a dirty word" then presumably support men who think their ladies entering ladies sports and dominating them? I'm asking not for a friend but for me and every other woman and man who's actually concerned with what fake ladies are doing to actual ladies.

Third, one cannot be "pro science" then declare they're "pro choice" unless they also admit to being "pro murder." Science dictates life begins at conception. Which means if you're pro-choice, you know that you support killing a human being. Just admit it and let's all speak honestly with each other. Or, keep wearing silly shirts then wonder why no one takes you seriously, which you'll blame on men. Probably.

But that's my point. I will give you feminists credit, you know how to make a stink. Were your causes and priorities just a touch more reasonable and a tad less kooky, people might hear you out. Instead, you champion causes that aren't causes and ignore ones that are. For another example, let's skip over to the Twitter timeline of Anita Sarkeesian:

One big problem, Anita. I don't like patriarchy either. Except I don't see evidence of patriarchy in fictional television shows. I do see patriarchy in Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood, in Jeffrey Epstein's long-running criminal activity and now criminal coverup, and glaringly in transgender women (MEN!) competing in women's sports. Which...

I am not a third-wave feminist for so many reasons. Not least of all because this wave of feminism seems incapable or unwilling to confront actual problems, instead insisting on tackling such hard-hitting issues like a Disney television show featuring droids, lightsabers and a baby Yoda thing.

Meanwhile, real women are fighting real problems and could use some real feminist support. Behold, these women being crushed by men in what I maintain is living, breathing proof of a patriarchal system:

• School Allows Transgenders into Girls’ Locker Rooms. Trans Student Celebrates, Girl Fights Tears.
• Male Track Star Steals National Championship from a Woman. Because “Transgender!”
• Transwomen Win Girls’ Track Meet. The Looks on the Real Girls’ Faces Says it All.
• NCAA Conference’s “Female Athlete of the Week” is Transgender
• High School Girl Beat by Transgender Athletes Speaks Out

There's your patriarchy, feminists. Actual men mansplaining what it means to be a woman and how those women should behave, to women. Where's your pushback? Where's your advocacy? Where's the traveling sisterhood of the divine ya yas now? Nowhere. Actually worse than nowhere. Rather than fighting men who are fighting women, you're jousting windmills. Instead of exposing patriarchy in the Epstein coverup, you're focused on the plague of manspreading on the subway. Nothing is more inconvenient than having to stand on a train ever since you told men to stop giving up their seats for equality. But don't worry about what appears to be a systemic coverup of the rape of underage girls.

I get maybe the Epstein thing is a hard battle to fight. But the transgender issue is made to order for feminism. Girls are having opportunities stolen from them by men daily. But Anita Sarkeesian and likely a few other "proud, strong feminists" are twisted about one episode of one TV show from a fictional universe that blessed us with Princess Leia. A female character who had no time to feel sorry for herself, as she was too busy leading a rebellion against the Empire when not sassing Darth Vader right to his face.

But you know, not a lot of speaking ladies in one episode. Ergo patriarchy. Incidentally, The Mandalorian will eventually feature Gina Carano. I don't know Gina, but my impression is she's hardly a lady who'd tolerate the damsel in distress trope. Maybe hold off on the cries of patriarchy and girl tropes until at least a few episodes in. As another bit of sound advice.

So feminists, do us all a favor: If you want to fight oppression, if you want to fight for women's rights, do it. Women need your help, especially as men seek to crush them for being women. A little less worrying about what t-shirt to wear to Thanksgiving. A little less concern over Jon Favreau's foray into fictional worlds far, far away. A little more concern with fighting battles no one else seems willing to fight.

~ Written by Courtney Kirchoff