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Dear Al Sharpton: You Lying, Race-baiting, Hobbling Bag of Human Feces...
Hey Al! Looks like you've finally made your way down to Baltimore. I don't blame you. Gotta make them dollar, dollar bills! All those unpaid back-taxes really add up.
So I want to make it clear that I don't begrudge you one bit for trying to make a living. Heck, I don't even mind your show at MSNBC. The mere blooper-reel has gotten more play in the Crowder household than anything else on Cablenews in the last decade. For that, I have to thank you. Matter of fact, I actually use your reel to defend our president!
See, many people attack President Obama, under the guise of him being useless to anyone without his teleprompter. I say that's unfair, when there are people like you out there who are of no use with a teleprompter.
With that out of the way, can I make one request? Just one. When choosing your career path and method of income, do you think that maybe, just maybe, you could try to not profiteer off dishonest, divisive racism? I know I'm asking a lot, but if you consider my request, I think you'll see where I'm coming from. Allow me to explain.
See, MLK Jr. fought for equality in a way that's moved myself and I'm sure countless Americans for generations to come. If he were to be re-awoken today, I'm quite sure that he'd be thrilled to see a black president in office, to see that all black Americans share the same legally defensible rights under our constitution as white Americans. That needed to happen. That was his end-game, and it's so sad that he never lived to see it completely fulfilled as it is today.
The good thing is that you, Al Sharpton, have! You live in an age where black Americans can vote, serve, eat, drink and congregate freely. Heck, they can even become president. A significant portion of our police forces are made up of black Americans. The only issue really, is that you crap all over it. Your teachings rest firmly on the premise that not only has progress been too slow, but that America is more racist than ever.
Now, I don't believe that you're a stupid person. I can't. I'm pretty sure that would be racist. So I'd have to attribute the nonsensical nature of your arguments to be rooted in more sinister motives. It only takes a little digging to see that if racism were to die in America... hell, you'd be out of a job. Nobody has more of a financial interest in the continued systemic racism in this country than you, Al Sharpton.
All of your businesses, and even your involvement with non-profits depend entirely on the steady income of viewers and donors who think that in giving their money to you, they're helping to end America's systemic, racist blight. Worse, you tell them that "Yes! I am the guy who can help!"
Only you never help. You only hurt. You never build black Americans up, you only destroy. You never deliver the good news, you profiteer off of false, negative sensationalism.
There are still some really great black leaders out there, people who truly follow in the footsteps of the great Reverend MLK Jr, but you are not one of them.
As I was in my office this week, I overheard my wife watching a video from the next room, in which a rioter/protester shouted down Geraldo Rivera, demanding that he "stop making money off of Black people's pain." It was playing faintly in the background and upon hearing it, my first instinct was to walk into the room... expecting to see your shrunken head on my television monitor.
... Because that's what you do. You make money off of the pain of real people. Not only black people, but all people. For that, you are a hobbling bag of human feces.