Why is it that feminists want to push normal bodily functions into the mainstream to be lauded as some kind of accomplishment? I'm at a loss, here. Just because a bodily function is normal doesn't mean it should be celebrated. Just because a bodily function is normal doesn't mean it's not also a little gross. Say, for example, upper lip hair on ladies. Lady-staches, we'll call them. Billie, a razor company targeting ladies, wants its patrons to participate in Movember by not taking care of the bristles below the nose. Something about "women have upper lip hair too and...? "

I still don't get it. We'll talk more about this after you watch these ladies showing off their staches. Take my hand, I'll lead you safely through the forest.

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Newsflash: Women have mustaches too. So this month, we’re outing our top secret lip hair 😱 for a good cause. Lend your perfectly good ‘stache to our @movember team. We’re matching 100% of contributions, up to $50,000. Link in bio. 🎥: @agostinagalvez

A post shared by Billie (@billie) on Oct 29, 2019 at 5:29am PDT

Me right now:

From MSN Health:

In a video promoting Billie's new initiative, the brand draws attention to the fact that many women go through a lot to hide their upper-lip hair, including waxing, plucking, shaving, and laser hair removal. And while body hair of any kind is a personal choice, the truth is, every woman has some form of a 'stache—and it's about time that wasn't such a huge secret.

Firstly, is it a secret? Who didn't know women pay extra attention to their faces? Methinks if I were to run some rough numbers on what gender sees estheticians the most, it would come back heavily female.

Secondly, who cares if it's a secret that women do away with the hair on their faces? Why must we parade our grooming regimes for the world to see? Show of hands, who wants to see a video of me pulling hair from a shower drain? No? But it's normal, and it shouldn't be a secret. How dare you not celebrate that my scalp sheds hair. IT'S NORMAL. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

"Of all the places women grow hair, the upper lip seems to be the one most rarely talked about and the most taboo," Georgina Gooley, co-founder of Billie, said in a statement. "We're excited to make it the hero of our latest campaign and put our hair to good use in the name of a good cause."

I guess the "good cause" here is Movember, which is geared to raise awareness and funds about cancer rates among the menfolk.

In addition to creating its own ad campaign that encourages women to grow their facial hair, Billie has also vowed to match 100 percent of contributions to its Team Billie Movember campaign up to $50,000, according to a press release sent via email. 'Stache or no 'stache, you can donate here to help Movember fund groundbreaking work in prostate cancer, testicular cancer, mental health, and suicide prevention.

Fine. I'm all about helping the fellas. My question is why can't women just donate money for their men? Why must they emulate men by not shaving their lady crumb catchers? Did any men's shaving businesses advocate men wax their nuts in solidarity with breast cancer month? Okay, that's not a direct comparison. Did any man company selling man products encourage men to wear bras in solidarity with breast cancer awareness? Of course not. So why tell women to be like men when women didn't tell men to be like women in October?

No, what Billie is doing here is getting some free press (you're welcome) by doing what many in feminism somehow consider brave: not grooming, then proudly display that which hasn't been groomed. With the added gall of trying to sell this choice to not groom as somehow redefining beauty standards. No. No. No. Read also New Feminist Cause: Smearing Period Blood on Your Face to Combat 'Period Shame' and Model Wants to 'Redefine Beauty Standards' with Her Unibrow. Tha's Not How It Works.

I can't wait for Jockey to release photos of fat men in skid-marked underwear. Since poop is normal and should be celebrated. Those are the rules, right? Wait... right?!

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