And here we thought Disturbing LGBT Song Debuts on Bill Nye’s Show would be the most embarrassing Bill Nye post this week. Instead “Ice Cream Sexuality.” It’s here, it’s real, it can’t be unseen. Let that be the only trigger warning for this post. But please, for the love of all things actual science, do not let this video ruin your relationship with ice cream.
I actually saw Ice Cream Sexuality open for Vanilla Fudge in the 60s, but that’s not the issue here.
Seriously, just watch.
“As a vanilla, I feel that I am the most natural of the ice creams. And therefore the rest of you should just go ahead and also be vanilla. It’s the one true flavor.”
“Haven’t you ever wanted to be in a neapolitan?”
“Come on, it’s natural.”
“And so creamy and delicious.”
Okay, the first thing I want to point out was the quick sidestep off the issue of science, did you see it? One ice cream cone says to the other ice cream cone “It’s the science of feelings.”
I want you to let that sink in for a second, as you try to unsee what I told you was impossible to unsee. Maybe take a break from life and try to enjoy whatever ice cream flavor you fancy most. Let no one judge you for your flavor preferences. You do you.
There is no such thing as the “science of feelings.” There’s science, and there are feelings. Emotions have no place in science. Is it accurate to say that “Humans have emotions and it’s part of being human”? Sure. But there’s not a field of study called “science of feelings.” Test it out. Go try out “the science of feelings” on your doctor, nurses, lab assistants, high school biology teacher, or random five-year-old after you get permission from his mommy or daddy because of stranger danger. Report back with the degree of laughter when you ask about “the science of feelings” with the rating system of vanilla to Cherry Garcia.
Secondly, yes, people are all different. We all come in different flavors. But sexuality shouldn’t be compared to ice cream. The science of my feelings finds great offense. There are only two genders: male, female. As a male you may like to twiddle with the females or the males. Maybe both. But it’s only both. It’s not more than two because there isn’t more than two. It’s not a choice between vanilla, chocolate, mint, pistachio, almond, Neopolitan, cookies and cream, and Tallywhacker Tuesday. It’s a choice between male and female. Your wait time at 31 flavors got shorter by a factor of 29. You’re welcome.
Thirdly, you’ll note that in the video every flavor of ice cream is still ice cream. Popsicles are not represented. Nor are ice cream sandwiches, Klondike bars, or the delicious Bon-Bons. What the actual heck? If Bill Nye and his team of dunderheaded twits had wanted to drive this metaphor home, maybe different variations of ice cream treats should’ve been repped, not the exclusionary ice cream cone. Some of us like our ice cream in bowls. Some of us prefer our ice cream between two cookies. WHY ARE WE NOT REPRESENTED?
Seriously Hoss, stick with the not science.