Ding dong, the bitchy man is dead to everyone. Yes, Steve Bannon, the would-be-king if there was ever a DC monarchy, is out from Brietbart.com. I’ll get to the live shots of both Steven Crowder and Ben Shapiro in a second. First, the details.
Bannon blabbed to Fire and Fury author like an awkward pre-teen girl hoping for a seat at the cool table. Turns out Rebekah Mercer, who writes fat checks for Breitbart while sitting at the cool table, was not amused with Bannon’s loose lips:
Bannon provoked Rebekah Mercer’s ire by making critical comments about Trump and his family to author Michael Wolff in a book, “Fire and Fury,” published just last week. Bannon is quoted in the book as saying that Trump’s son, Donald Trump Jr., and son-in-law, Jared Kushner, engaged in “treasonous” behavior by secretly meeting with Russian representatives during the campaign to get unflattering information about Trump’s opponent, Hillary Clinton.
Trump replied to Bannon’s comments with a statement savaging his former confidant. “Steve Bannon has nothing to do with me or my presidency. When he was fired, he not only lost his job, he lost his mind,” the president said. He later attacked Wolff and the book in a tweet in which he referred to Bannon as “Sloppy Steve.”
I don’t care what anyone thinks of Trump as a person, president, or toupee inspiration. His nickname game is on point.
Look, I’ve never had personal dealings with Bannon. I don’t know him. I’m not sure if he knows me or not. Doesn’t matter. What I do know is from what others (who know him) have told me about Bannon. That he’s a bullying, belligerent tyrant and if you dare disobey or displease him:
Anything I say outside of that wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. Good thing this website isn’t a court of law.
We don’t want to kick Bannon when he’s down. That’s a cheap shot. So instead, lemme give you a gif of what Bannon thought life would be like, versus reality:
That gif might have been sent to me by someone whose last name rhymes with “Crowder.” Don’t quote me on that.
Put on your fancy hats, I’m about to get intellectual. What knocked Bannon down was hubris. That’s fancy talk for his ego. Maybe you saw Luke Skywalker talk about it in The Last Jedi. Bannon thought he had the finest smelling caca in all the land. His buttocks got too big for his pantaloons. Pick your favorite expression for “He acted like a smug prick” and apply it to Steve Bannon. Well the fat (but still beautiful, obviously) lady finally sang. No word yet on if it’s broken Bannon’s spirit. Because we’re not going to kick him when he’s down. Nope. That’s, like, totally classless.
Live shot of Ben Shapiro right now:
Okay maybe that’s what Ben would look like if his wife, who’s a doctor, stopped loving him. Don’t quote me on that.
Let Bannon’s tale be a cautionary one: don’t be an ass who burns everyone in his ambitious path, lest everyone revel in your ultimate undoing. Remember the final scene from Return of The Jedi, where all the planets are celebrating the fall of the Empire? I’m sure that’s not happening in all the conservative circles right now. Nope.
Let’s hold a moment of silence for Steve Bannon. Thoughts and prayers. Avatar changes. Forgetting about all it in hours. You know the drill.
There’s no proper segue for this video, I just like it: