We may have yet another case of a rogue gun on the loose. Taking to the streets. Armed with clips holding millions of bullets. It glares at you with mad googly side-eye. Slinks across to the playground, out to traumatize your kids. Sporting a wife-beater tank top. Clutching its saggy pants. Is that a pistol grip, or are you just excited to see my accuracy?! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.
Actually, it’s just a good guy using his AR-15 to make some baddie pee himself. But same thing, right?
From WGN-TV in Illinois:
A man armed with an AR-15 rifle stopped an attack by one of his neighbors and held him until police arrived.
Police say it all began when someone with a knife attacked another person during an argument.
No word yet on if the argument was as stupid as “Marvel is better than DC.” But based on what I see on Twitter, I wouldn’t be surprised if such an argument was solved with knife play.
Neighbor Dave Thomas, who witnessed the attack, went into his home, got his rifle and ordered the suspect to stop.
“I poked my head out the door. There was a pool of blood, blood was everywhere in the hall. There was still a confrontation going on, there were about three or four people involved at this point,” Thomas said. “So I ran back into my house and grabbed my AR-15. I grabbed the AR-15 over my handgun — bigger gun, I think a little more of an intimidation factor. Definitely played a part in him actually stopping.”
Now, I’ve never had this situation come up, but I would probably reach for the bigger gun if I was needed to confront some douche waving a knife in a real-life game of Su Chefs Gone Wild. “You call that a knife? I call this a scary black rifle. Your move, bitch.” Yeah, I can see how the AR-15 would feel better. The repartee doesn’t work as well with a handgun. Or does it? Let’s try.
“You call that a knife? Cute. I call this a Walter PPQ. It’s what James Bond would carry if he wasn’t such a whore.” Look at that. Still works. I’m feeling inspired.
“Oh hey. I heard a ruckus. Had a brief argument with my guns over whose turn it was to push the elevator button. What do you think, did I make the right choice?”
“Hey, I would’ve been here sooner, but I was too busy choosing a gun after banging your mom. Which reminds me, she needs that knife back. Said something about cutting the crust off your sandwiches?”
I’m here all week.
Turns out guns in the hands of good guys (not to be confused with deputies with empty ball sacks) confronting a turd is still a good thing. Who wants to tell the left? Now go watch Man Demonstrates How AR-15 Shoots 70,000 Rounds a Minute! after you watch Steven below.