Madonna, the has-been pop star, has been struggling to stay relevant for a while now. Just as her plastic surgeon is struggling to keep stretching her skin while maintaining her resemblance to a humanoid. Fine lines. There’s not much that’s funnier than watching a borderline senior citizen try to stay hip to what the youngsters are groovin’ to, am I right? Well, Madge has found herself a new hobby: thinking about blowing up the White House. For serious…
Madonna made a surprise Saturday appearance at the Women’s March on Washington, the cornerstone of the massive worldwide protests following President Trump’s inauguration.
“Welcome to the revolution of love, to the rebellion, to our refusal as women to accept this new age of tyranny. Where not just women are in danger, but all marginalized people. Where being uniquely different right now might truly be considered a crime. It took this horrific moment of darkness to wake us the f*** up.”
And to our detractors that insist that this march will never add up to anything, f*** you. F*** you. It is the beginning of much-needed change, change that will require sacrifice.”
Madonna continued with a provocative remark about the White House: “Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I am outraged. Yes, I have thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House. But I know this won’t change anything. We cannot fall into despair.”
She then performed a set of songs, including “Express Yourself” and “Human Nature,” which she dedicated to “DT” — Donald Trump. But she suggested that the “D” could stand for “d***.”
You have to appreciate the hilarity of the Material Girl mentioning a revolution of love and arson/treason/murder in the same speech. I guess those red Kaballah bracelets are no longer edgy enough. Now, it’s terrorism that’s in vogue. See what I did there?
Of course had a conservative or a conservative poser, even hinted about blowing up the White House, the media and probably Secret Service would’ve descended upon them like gravity is descending on Madonna’s overly-stretched pores. But since Madge here is a leftist feminist who offers blow jobs for votes, no worries. She’s just playing, y’all. Don’t get your thongs in a twist.
Don’t worry about Madonna, though. Because being a sociopath ought to get her a VIP pass into the social justice circles. No more promising oral pleasure in exchange for attention. Has-been status officially transcended.
This Women’s March has been like a gift from the comedy gods. Madonna outed herself as a would-be terrorist and Ashley Judd made her slam poetry debut. But, we would be committing a great dishonor if we didn’t give a shout out to the original twisted bee-yotch who made this whole movement possible. Lena Dunham.