69 Year Old Man Attempts to Legally Lower His Age to 49
Lefty nutbars think you can tailor your personal information to suit the mental image you have of yourself. A 6'6'' linebacker can change the "M" to "F" on his license and become a pretty pretty princess. A white lady can perm her hair, get a spray tan and call herself a child of Africa. #progress
Just when you thought all this craziness had peaked, this Dutchman came along to say "hold my wooden shoes." He wants to legally lower his age to improve his dating game. I kid you not:
A 69-year-old Dutchman is petitioning to legally change his age to 49.
Emile Ratelband says his senior status is crimping his chance at romance on the dating app Tinder and interfering with his work prospects.
“We live in a time when you can change your name and change your gender. Why can’t I decide my own age?” Ratelband, a multi-tasking Dutch media personality and motivational coach, said, according to the BBC.
“When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer,” Ratelband, a self-described “young god” said, according to the BBC. The age-defying Dutchman, added, “When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”
Yep, trannies get to change their gender. Rachel Dolezal gets to call herself a "sistah." Now, this guy's on the verge of transitioning from a Boomer to a Gen-Xer. So long bellbottoms, hello Birkenstocks.
Seeing how we can now change every one of our stats, I shall henceforth be identified as an 88-year-old Namibian woman. I'm gonna rake in all of those oppressed minority points. Social Security greenbacks. Senior discounts. Yes, life is gonna be good.
Just one question, though. Why bother going through the trouble of making this legal when he can list whatever age he wants on social media? There's no Tinder Police coming round to check the Lying Dutchman's ID.
We're now beyond parody. Changing your age used to be a talking point to show the absurdity of changing your gender. Now, it's a real thing itself. Chalk it up as another slope slipped.