When the University of Tennessee starts the new semester, there is change in the air. No, not change that actually matters…change in pronouns. Gay rights officials objected to words like “she”, “he” and “him” because they are problematic to people who don’t realize they are a “she”, “he” or “him” no matter how much they want to pretend otherwise. Because, science. Or something.

The compromise? Tell me if any of this makes a lick of sense…

The University of Tennessee has told its staff and students to stop calling each other ‘he,’ ‘she,’ ‘him’ and ‘her’ – and to start referring to one another with terms like ‘xe,’ ‘zir’ and ‘xyr’ instead.

The Knoxville branch of the public university, which has 27,400 students, sent a memo round to its members filled with unusual new parts of speech to avoid referring to anybody’s gender.

According to a gay rights official at the university, the new language regime will make the university ‘welcoming and inclusive’ and stop people feeling ‘marginalized.’

First of all, none of those are words. They are letters put together designed to look like a word. Nothing more.

Secondly, why are these letter collections “acceptable” substitutes for actual words, other than they are the first collection of letters that the complainers have put together? I mean, try using the above words in Scrabble and see how far it gets you. Or in a job interview. Or in real life. On Earth. Anywhere.

Thirdly – and this is where “higher education” has gone completely off the rails – when exactly did it become acceptable for students to tell the university what to do, and to write their rules for them? Is there such a thing as “authority” on campus anymore? I’m guessing not. Because patriarchy.

If you are really this offended by pronouns (PRONOUNS), you have bigger problems than “he,” “she,” “him” or “her.” Try getting some fresh air. And a CAT SCAN.