God bless America. Over across the pond, our former governors have taken it upon themselves to put a stop to crimes of a pointy nature. Not by empowering the people to defend themselves. Not by prioritizing violent crimes over, say, the tragedy of using the wrong preferred gender pronoun, no. Over in the UK, our former rulers want people to freely give up their knives. They’ve even enlisted known knifeslayer, Cookie Monster, to help them out. Since that didn’t work, the geniuses over in the UK, our used to be rulers, took the suggestion box idea and exploded it out into a knife dispensary box. Where the Goode and Noble Peoples of Englandd Might Deposit Their Sharp Cutleries. If you thought to put a bunch of knives in a giant box, on the street, was a bad idea, yes. It was. You is smart. Surprising to no one except the geniuses in the UK, the knives were stolen by flagrant criminals.
Stop me when you’re shocked beyond words:
Police are on the hunt for a group who broke into a bin full of knives that had just been surrendered. The suspects were caught on CCTV hauling the weapons collected by police as part of a knife amnesty. Officers installed the ‘knife surrender bin’ following a 52 per cent spike in knife crime across area over the past year.
Imagine being so politically correct you think having people surrender knives into a “knife surrender bin” will somehow curb crimes using knives. Imagine, for a second, this same principle applied to other areas of a problematic nature. Carbs, for instance. Imagine Italy installing a “pasta surrender bin” following an outbreak of carb comas of happiness. “Surrender your noodles!” and people freely drop something appealing into one easy to access location. If carbs aren’t your thing, imagine it’s chocolate. Piles and piles of chocolate. If I’m still not reaching you, imagine it’s beer.
Fine, if food isn’t your thing, imagine a gun surrender bin. A “high capacity magazine” surrender bin. One box full of a ton of crap you want to get your hands on which, conveniently, a bunch of naive gits have freely surrendered into one location.
Someone in England thought this was a splendid idea. No, old chaps. Twas not. One day after this was installed:
But a day later the bin in Weston-super-Mare was broken into and the knives were taken.
Spoiler alert to the land of bangers and mash: criminals break the laws. Criminals steal things. Criminals stab people. Criminals use the wrong gender pronouns with nary a care.
What, in the Queen’s name, did you think was going to happen? This is why our country broke up with your country. Your government is stupid. No, America’s government isn’t perfect, but my God how embarrassing for you people to continually make stupid mistake after stupid mistake like this.
- UK Man Investigated for Tweeting Transgender Limerick
- UK: Woman Banned from Pub Because Her Shirt Defines a Woman as a Woman
- Cookie Monster is the Spokesman for Knife Control in England
- UNITED KINGDOM: Man Arrested for Having Potato Peeler in Public