Yes, yes I did just write about Ted Cruz trolling Eric Stinky Pants Swalwell, and yes I am following up with a post of the Trump Campaign trolling Joe Biden for his son’s whorish ways. In all fairness, this morning I wrote about high school girls having their rights erased just because they’re girls and not transgender girls (boys). So pardon me if we all need a palate cleanser. With that, today DNA testing revealed Hunter Biden is a slut. He’d been denying, denying, denying that he wasn’t the father of a child he is, according to science, the father of. To celebrate the occasion, the Donald Trump campaign did this:

Congratulations, Joe Biden! https://t.co/byIxFUyujm

— Team Trump (@TeamTrump) November 20, 2019

Someone please put this Business Insider headline in a morphine drip and find my vein.

A DNA test confirmed that Hunter Biden is the father of a baby in Arkansas that he has denied having, says a court filing first reported by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.

The document, filed on Wednesday in Independence County, Arkansas, on behalf of the baby’s mother, Lunden Alexis Roberts, said the DNA test determined that Biden was the baby’s father “with scientific certainty.”

This is the same Hunter Biden who likely benefited from his papa’s interference in Ukraine. But we’re not supposed to talk about that. Instead, we’re supposed to focus on quid pro quos and various characters sidling up to mics to discuss TRUMP IMPEACHMENT. Related: Rep Jim Jordan Unravels the Entire Reason for the Impeachment Hearings in 40 Seconds.

Meanwhile, Joe Biden’s loin fruit is out plowing the fields, making a little loin fruit of his own while the sun is shining. For the record, I don’t think we need to stop slut-shaming ladies who sleep around. I think we need to start slut-shaming men who do. Equality is a two-way street, whether you walk up and down looking for johns, or drive up and down looking for hoes. We don’t even need a new word for Hunter, as whore, slut, skank, harlot and sleazy f*ckface work just fine. Maybe we need a Slut Wheel of Shame. Yeah, now I’m thinking. The spinner can be shaped like a phallus, the categories just a name we call the promiscuous pants-dropper. First person to photoshop and tweet me wins my respect for the day and an enthusiastic retweet. Sorry, it really is all I can offer. Though maybe it’ll be retweeted by someone with more influence than I.

More importantly, if the Trump Campaign and the Donald keep these kinds of tweets going, there’s no way Trump doesn’t win re-election. This is the kind of sass and pushback the American people have craved longer than Hunter likely stared lustily at his brother’s wife.

NOT SUBSCRIBED TO THE PODCAST? FIX THAT! IT’S COMPLETELY FREE ON BOTH ITUNES HERE AND SOUNDCLOUD HERE.