To refresh your mammary, there has been a "Free the Nipple" movement going on in this country since 2012. Women, none of whom I've ever met, say it's sexist that men can go topless in public and they can't. You see protesters taking off their tops to protest ... I don't know, things. But the battle to go t!ts out carries on to our parks, and for one Maryland city, our beaches.

A federal appeals court has heard arguments from advocates who want to overturn Ocean City's ordinance that bans women from going topless. A ruling was made last year to uphold the 2017 law that made nudity a municipal infraction punishable by a $1,000 fine.

Maryland is one of several states with ambiguous topless laws. Some cities like Austin, Texas, Boulder, Colorado, and Madison, Wisconsin have what's known as "top freedom."

Really? "Top freedom"?

The drama all started when five women said it wasn't fair they couldn't free the girls whenever they wanted to. There are some in the area of the belief that women going topless might make the beaches no longer family-friendly. When reached for a rebuttal, every teenage boy from Ocean City offered the following amicus brief.

FREE THE NIP-PLE! clap clap, clap clap clap
FREE THE NIP-PLE! clap clap, clap clap clap
FREE THE NIP-PLE! clap clap, clap clap clap

I've always been a fan of boobs and relish the opportunity to share that love whenever possible. But I have to ask. Who exactly are these gals running around topless in public? This "movement" has been going on for close to a decade, and I've yet to meet someone who desired the opportunity to stick it to the patriarchy in this manner. Ladies — or at least one of them — around these parts fought for and got the right to do so. None of them do. Trust me, I've been looking. It's almost as if some people just want the issue so that people pay attention to them.

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