It’s been a big first year for the Donald. Many things have come to pass. Some good. Some not so good. One thing’s for certain though, we’re much better off with the orange fella than we would have been with that varicose-veined she-devil in a Dr. Evil suit.
There have been plenty of Trumpian accomplishments to celebrate this year. We’ve put together the top 5 for you, in reverse order. Lets do this:
5) Pretty much the first order of business in the Trump administration? Eliminating abortion funding overseas. It’s bad enough when tax dollars go toward any abortions. It’s even worse when the woman seeking to shop-vac her tiny tot’s brains out isn’t American. For all his faults, Trump as a president has been solidly pro-life.
4) Lots of presidents talked about moving the American embassy to Jerusalem. Trump is the one who’s actually has the stones to do it. Our former Commanders-in-Chief treated Israel like a nerdy friend with whom they didn’t want to be seen in public. Not the Trump. He has no problem proclaiming us to be BFFs with our yarmulke-wearing brethren.
3) Regulations went bye-bye. The last administration wanted to regulate everything on down to the color of your undershorts. The Trumpinator has instead pledged to cut regulations down to levels not seen since 1960. Also known as a time when America produced things and kicked all sorts of booty.
2) Trump gave ICE teeth. They’ve since puned border-hopping pendejos back over the fence faster than Tess Holliday finishes a chalupa. We’ve yet to start work on that beautiful wall, but it’s still nice to see illegals heading out instead of coming in.
1) The top Trump win in 2017? When The Donald signed the biggest tax cut in decades. Now, instead of our money going toward Argentinian clown schools and studying the drinking habits of gays? Those hard-earned greenbacks are ours to keep, playboy!
BONUS ROUND: Gorsuch. How could we forget that?
It’s been a pretty good year, but we’ve still got lots of work to do. Let’s make 2018 even better.
Hopefully, there’ll be no shortage of celebrity freakouts. They’re rather entertaining: