Ghosts, goblins, superheroes and princesses will roam the streets of America tonight, running from door to door with cries of “Trick or Treat” as they collect goodies and learn which neighbors are stingy, and which need to be tee-peed.
Sadly, liberals have found a way to politicize even this holiday. Skeletons in the closet simply aren’t enough. In order to have a truly leftist Halloween, the New York Post says you must avoid certain costumes. Don’t even think of coming out as Bill Cosby or Rachel Dolezal – this would apparently be in bad taste.
But does anybody care what you think, New York Post? No. And to repeat that… no. Nobody cares. Halloween is for costumes and dress up and making fun of the people who dress up as people we make fun of. Mwhaahahahahaah.
Here at Louder with Crowder, we’ve decided to create a handy reference list of the Top 5 Halloween Costumes you should wear if you want to tick off your liberal friends this Trick or Treat. Ready?
1. Chris Kyle. And for the fun of it, drag a friend along behind you as a captured – or if you want to be more factually accurate, as a dead terrorist.
2. A lion-hunting dentist. But not just any dentist. The hunter dentist who killed Cecil.
3. A Syrian refugee and his abused wife. For you couples out there who want to stay current on events.
4. Caitlyn Jenner. Do we even need to explain this one?
5. An SUV. Or the most earth-destructive vehicle costume you can find in your size. BONUS POINTS if you manage to carry a burning earth on a stick as a prop.
Alternately, if you can’t find any of these outfits in your local Halloween shop… just wrap yourself in a couple American flags and carry a Constitution. Should have the same affect.