Merry Christmas everyone! It seems that’s no longer a controversial thing to say. In fact this year I’ve only gotten one “Happy Holidays.” Yeah, I spit on her. But by far the majority of retailers, even Starbucks, have proudly declared Merry Christmas! Which is just delightful. Savor that seasonal feeling. Hold it close. Spike it with rum.
But let’s be realistic. Everyone has that one person who cannot stand to leave things be. He or she is determined to showoff how much they feel about the things. Maybe it’s that coworker you thought was cute, but when you lean in under the mistletoe after flirting, she screams RAPE. Maybe it’s your brother-in-law, who things the movie and song “White Christmas” is racist. Or perhaps your inlaws pulled into your driveway sporting a Bernie Sanders bumpersticker. Things are about to get awkward.
Before you shove lumps of coal in their stockings, try leading them to the light. We’ve got you covered. If, after you try showing them facts, they’re still going to vote for Bernie Sanders… coal totally works. Tell them coal also powers their Nissan Leaf. If you don’t have coal on hand, may I recommend redistributing their new presents. Film it for me, okay?
1. Jesus is the reason for the season. Except for the Bah humbugs who think he’s a wimpy hipster who never judged anyone. Read a few of these after baptizing that fool with the beverage of your choice:
- Was Jesus a Liberal? The Myth Debunked
- Jesus: Not the Wimp Liberals Would Have you Believe…
- The Top Historical Arguments for Christmas and Jesus!
- Dear Liberals: Stop Using Jesus in a Manger to Push Illegal Immigration
2. For the liberal who thinks all religion is crap and that Islam is totally peaceful, we have some news articles for them. If that doesn’t work, ask how they’d prefer they’d be killed. Set aflame? Beheading?
- Moderate Islamists Admit: ‘Radical’ Islam IS Islam
- Watch this Ex Muslim Woman DESTROY Islam
- Sweden’s Open Islamic Immigration: Now Officially the Rape Capital of the West
- Woman on German Train Speaks Arabic. Syrian Refugees Have No Idea…
3. If you’re living in an area that’s warm for Christmas, maybe you’ll have to deal with a global warming alarmist. If your’e living anywhere that’s cold, maybe you’ll have to deal with a climate change alarmist. See what I did there?
- NASA REPORT: Antarctic Ice Sheet is Actually… Growing By Billions of Tons?
- MYTH BUSTED: Climate Change “Consensus of Scientists” is Idiotic
- NASA Now Says Burning Fossil Fuels…COOLs the Planet?!
- FAIL: Scientist Who Predicted Ice Caps Would Melt in 2013… Now Claims 2016?
4. If you’re hosting a liberal this Christmas, now is the perfect time to educate him or her on Bernie Sanders-Claus. Hint, making Santa analogies are totally acceptable. Bearing in mind Sanders is taking toys from other people before giving it to them…
- IRONY ALERT: Bernie Sanders is One Cheap Tipper!
- BUSTED: Bernie Sanders’ Plan = Why The Math Doesn’t Work!
- Bernie Blames Terrorism on ‘Climate Change’… Fact-Check Time!
- Mike Rowe Destroys the Latest Bernie Sanders Meme
5. If your liberal isn’t feeling the Bern, maybe they prefer Pantsuit Patti. Hillary Clinton, that is.
- Hillary Flat-Out Says Americans are ‘Wrong’ On Second Amendment…
- A Hillary Clinton Presidency: The Worst for Gun Owners Ever. Here’s Why…
- Bill Whittle Mic Drop! How Hillary Gets Away with Murder…
- Dems List Hillary’s ‘Achievements’ – Here’s All of Them Debunked
6. If what your young liberal wants is more money for menial, skill-less work, let’s talk how raising minimum wage is as dumb as her hairstyle.