On this Valentine’s Day, nothing says “I Love You” like firing off a few rounds with your love bunny. Some guys give flowers, others give baskets full of ammo. Some ladies reciprocate with smooches, other ladies slap magazines into 9mms and blast targets full of holes. It’s called love, and it’s wonderful.
“Come to the gun range, shoot together, because couples that shoot together stay together. What we offer here is something really different for couples. It’s a way for you to bond with each other… If you don’t want to get her roses, get her a rifle.”
Sound advice. Because sometimes that pretty sparkly thing she wants isn’t a new bracelet. It’s an AK-47. If your lady cares a touch more about accuracy, not so much a powerful boom (which delivers pure maniacal laughter), an always handy AR-15 should do the trick. Sure, the ammo for both is going to be pricier than a box full of chocolates, but if you give a woman ammo, she’ll fire it off without complaining about her thighs. Win win.
And ladies, there’s this idea going around that Valentine’s Day is only for women to receive, not to give. Shoot that myth in the face. Give your dude what he wants this year: pallets full of rounds. Love your man, buy ammo in bulk. Hoo-rah.
But seriously folks, it really is brilliant. Women have an increasing interest in guns (see NRA Releases Powerful New Ads Featuring Real, Strong Women and Young Mom Protects her Baby From Intruders with Gun). Sure, you could go Beta Male with flowers and a sonnet you wrote yourself. Or, you can go Alpha, buy her a firearm, and see how hot she looks firing off a few rounds. America.
Dollars to donuts Vox is planning a rebuttal post on this as we speak…