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Some Easy, Politically Incorrect Litmus Tests for All Syrian Refugees
Since Paris was attacked by not-Catholics, not-Methodists, not-Jews, not-Atheists, not-Mormons, not-Vegans, but by Muslims, the leftists have been blowing themselves up with hashtags like #RefugeesWelcome. A press conference with King Obama put as all to shame (not really), to accept these not-Presbyterian, not-Jehovah's Witnesses, not-Seventh Day Adventists into our country, no questions asked. Because feelings. It's all about feeling good about themselves. Awareness ribbons, memes, changing Facebook avatars... the feels. Read Dear Cowardly Politicians Subverting Our Safety for 'Refugees'...
So since Obama and his minions would rather not screen these not-Baptists, we came up with a litmus test of our own. Crowder-style. If you're a Muslim refugee, if you can pass our test, you're welcome in. Pull up a Lazy-Boy-Recliner, crack open a beer, turn on a reality show.
Here it goes...
1. Condemn Sharia Law and all who follow it. In the USA, throwing gays off buildings is a general no-no. As is stoning women for cheating with another man. Or looking at another man in a way you deem as "cheating." Even though TRIGGER WARNING: she's probably a total floozie. Like if she maintains eye contact for more than a second...
2. How do you feel about the Jews? No really, how do you feel about them? Do you go full Muhammad (anti-semitism be upon him) or are you a little more tolerant and just think they're too "Jewy"? Spoiler alert, any answer which includes acts of violence will not be accepted.
3. Draw a picture of Muhammed. Oil paintings and stick figures accepted. We judge not on your artistic abilities. See, the Christians and the Jews are totally okay drawing God, Jesus, Mary, papa Joseph, even the other Marys (the one who was TRIGGER WARNING, a total floozie). Iz all good. So if you can draw your prophet? Totes cool.
4. Find the most flamboyant food coloring in your local market and bake a gay wedding cake. Bake it up real gay. The more crossed penises the better. Which reminds us...
5. Adopt a dog. We know, we know, Islam tends to be pretty harsh on our canine-pals. Anti-dog discrimination. But you're better than that, right? So, we rescue you, you rescue a dog. Fair?
6. Feed the dog. We're not letting you off the hook that easy! You can't just adopt one and then abandon it right away, we really want you to try at this one. We have ways of knowing if you don't.
7. Ensure the dog does not die or isn't blown up. Seriously, take care of the damn dog. We are not joking about this. If something happens to the dog, expect to get bitch slapped...
8. For you ladies, take off all your clothes and participate in a Slut Walk or Topless Tuesday. If you've got it, flaunt it. Or if you don't have it, make sure you attend the Slut Walk. Because those broads don't have it either. You'll blend right in. Like a burka but an invisible burka. Invisa-Burka. Trademark that.
Well, did we miss any? Any litmus tests we missed?