You know the CNN analogy about apples and bananas, and how we should rely on them to tell us what's real news and what's fake news? CNN is super serious. Like a sudden case of hemorrhoids. Which pop up while you're flying internationally. You're in the middle seat.

According to CNN, anyone who calls CNN fake news is a Russian bot. Well, super serious CNN took time out of a busy news day for breaking Trump news. There is a dog's ear that looks like the President of the United States.

The owner of the dog spoke with CNN, telling reporters that she discovered the resemblance when her dog went to the veterinarian. She also started a crowdfunding page for her dog, where people donated hundreds of dollars to Chief.

So CNN, is this an apple or a banana?

Sorry. The niece is over and my YouTube has been compromised.

Look, there's nothing wrong with a "lighter side of the news" story. When there's nothing else to report. Except yesterday wasn't really lacking in the major news.

• John Travolta Accused of Sexual Battery by Male Masseur
• Biden on Texas Shooting HERO: He Should Have Never Had That Gun
• Actor Tom Sizemore Was Removed From Movie Set for Molesting 11-Year Old Girl
• Diversity Visa Program Allowed Shocking Number of Immigrants from Terrorist Countries...
• Planned Parenthood Could Be Charged for Selling Baby Parts Very Soon...

If CNN is going to be the worldwide leader in lecturing America over what is important news and what isn't, they need to try harder. They can start by not looking for presidents in the ears of canines. CNN needs to have a news summit. Get a PowerPoint presentation ready over "do news about Hollywood rape" with a segment on "here's what no one actually cares about ever, so don't do news on it." We can throw a few slides together. Our first slide: "Anderson Cooper Raped Me with His Eyes: Discuss."

Sidenote: the ear totally does look like Trump, but an image on Twitter/Reddit/Facebook would've worked. Not a whole segment on CNN. I can't wait to see how the Alt-Right handles the TrumpEarGate.

Leave the comedy to the professionals.

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