One of my favorite books of all time has one of my favorite catchphrases of all time: Don’t Panic. But the past few weeks have had me reaching for my towel. For security and emotional support. I’ve also been yelling at my computer, asking it to give me the ultimate question to the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything.

If the above paragraph confused the holy crap out of you, I suggest you read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Because if this story from Pennsylvania pans out to the rest of the country, it’s time to put your thumb up and hitch a ride across the galaxy.

But you’re just paranoid.

Look, I would love to just say the tin-foil hat conspiracy theorists need to invest in some new hobbies (or brain scans), but when we have stories like this, it makes it harder for me to mount my high horse and go for a ride. It does inspire me to commence heavy drinking, though.

What we’ve learned in the past two weeks is unsettling. And not just the “Don’t worry, honey, our teenage daughter is getting tutored by this nice gentleman named Anthony Weiner” kind of unsettling. We’ve seen political corruption infecting the highest law enforcement offices of our country. There’s been a feud between the white-hatted FBI agents against their fearful leaders (read FBI, DOJ Wanted to Investigate Hillary. Comey and Lynch Intervened). Hillary Clinton’s “charitable” organization, The Clinton Foundation, is still under FBI investigation. But don’t hold your breath. Combine these investigations with the pile of stink unearthed by Wikileaks and Project Veritas and we have ourselves a banana republic. No, Millennials, it’s not time to go shopping for capris.

The rigged system seems to be real. Voter fraud is real. Democrats are cheating already.

Whoever wins tonight, can we deny there are serious problems in our government? It’s just not a good sign when crackpot conspiracy theorists predictions come true.

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