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May 10, 2019
Rape Charges Dropped After Woman Remembers That Yes, She Did Consent After All
This here is a cautionary tale to all ye men (and ladies) hoping for a good romp in the sack sans consequences. An Australian man was charged with rape, only for the charges to be dropped after the woman he consensually shagged remember she gave the man consent to consensually shag her. You may be asking yourself "What the actual f*ck, Batman" and may suspect this story includes alcohol, craziness, and obviously some horny people playing loose with the morals. You'd be correct. It's also a tale of how "believe all women" is a rule adhered to quite strictly. Let's begin.
From the Daily Mail:
A Queensland man accused of rape has had the charge dropped after a woman realised she forgot she had consented to having sex with him.
Justin Banham, 49, fronted Southport District Court on Wednesday, where he was charged with raping a woman following a fight on October 8, 2017.
The rape charge was supposed to go to trial this week, but was later withdrawn after it was revealed the woman forgot she had consented to having sex with him.
Scared yet? Good. Because this is kind of scary minus the kind of. These two prize human beings have been hooking up for some quickies throughout the years after meeting, of all places, at church. And you thought Christians weren't up for a good time. But on the night in question, the woman (who isn't named in the article, by the way), had a brain fog moment and didn't remember saying "Yeah, sure, let's go for it stud" before he and her got it on like two garden rabbits.
I am not sorry for that gif, you cannot make me apologize. You knew what you were getting after you read the opening paragraph. Also, I'm using creative license with some of the dialogue. Work with me here.
The crown prosecutor had this to say about Slutty McMemory Fade:
'She has a high-functioning alcoholism issue whereby she consumes a fair bit of alcohol every day, and that plays a part into her mental health and her mind and state and perception of things,' Mr Hynes said.
Imma translate that for you. Slutty McMemory Fade is a drunk, and due to her being a drunk -- and a slut -- she can't quite get her facts, details, and timelines straight. By the way, the man who didn't rape got into Slutty McMemory Fade's home using a remote SHE GAVE HIM so he could come inside for a romp in the sack.
Lest anyone assume I'm only giving the slutty woman a spanking, hang on. Madam Skank is the one who pressed charges for something that never happened. She's the one who wasted government resources and has ruined a man's reputation. Whatever reputation he had up until that point. So I standby my calling her a liar, a slut, a skank, and a drunk. Okay? Okay.
But Justin Banham, the man who did Crazy VonOpenLegs, is a moron. Tell me he didn't know his lady of the night wasn't a drunken hoe? That makes Justin, in my estimation, just as slutty as the woman he banged. And, likely knowing she was a drunk and probably a nut, he engaged in nookie with her anyway.
Regardless, the man got charged with rape. What's going to happen to the hoedown lady? Not sure. But methinks she needs some kind of book thrown at her. Other than the Kama Sutra, she probably already has a copy or two. You can't just cry "RAPE" then say "WHOOPS" and expect your trashy life to continue as normal. Related: JUSTICE! Soldier Sues False Rape Accuser for Millions. And Wins! and NPR Says FALSE Rape Accuser is a 'Survivor.'
Also, guys: don't sleep with crazy, drunken hoes. Ladies: don't sleep with men who think you're a crazy drunken hoe, even if you are one. Standards. Have them.