In the history of the written language, I don't think the following words have ever been arranged in the order I am about to arrange them. Piers Morgan will not be investigated for identifying as a two-spirit penguin. Let that simmer in your brain for a minute.

So, Piers Morgan, who has been surprisingly critical of the left lately (see Piers Morgan Grills ‘Extinction Rebellion’ Co-Leader on Her Personal Carbon Footprint and WATCH: Piers Morgan Says Liberals Have Become “Utterly Pathetic…”), made the joke in reference to a "gender-neutral penguin" that was at London's version of Sea World. Thousands of people complained. By people, I can only assume humorless gits, aka "leftists." Piers was accused of "hate speech" because of the way Morgan mocked the left claiming they self-identify as all sorts of silly things. Mainly because they identify as all sorts of silly things.

Thankfully, the news presenter just found out he won't be investigated for his... I guess a crime? And he took the news exactly how you would expect.

It was confirmed this week that Piers, 54, had been cleared and would not be subjected to an Ofcom investigation and, of course, the presenter is rellishing in his triumph.

‘Thank you Ofcom, and thank you to those who complained, you have empowered me. That’s going to hurt, right?’ he said on Tuesday’s GMB.

Celebrating the win, he continued: ‘Personally quite pleased about that. I love complaining.’

There you have it. Common sense for once prevails in the United Kingdom. A guy making a joke on television about a bird does not rise to the level of needing to be investigated. For... reasons. Whether or not it is a perceived slight against the LGBTQAIIP+ community or the penguin community, it was essentially just a snarky comment. God save the Queen.

(They should make pills for this)

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