Ah, the pivotal question for the millennial generation. Why have a job when you can whine for a living? It's human nature to find the path of least resistance. When it's more lucrative to be a layabout turdmonkey, complaining how the world has screwed you, there's just not much of an incentive to actually, like, work for a living. Not anymore. Earning? No. Going to work? Ew. Complain? YES!

Welcome to 2016, where professional victimhood has outpaced entrepreneurs wildest estimations to become the fastest growing business since lonely, elderly women encountered the chia pet.

Speaking of fuzzy things, let's first address how the feminists, specifically modern, third-wave feminists of the chia-armpitted hair variety, have dominated their respective fields of Professional Victimhood. Feminists depend on perpetual victim status, lest they join another victim group, the welfare recipients. Why else do feminists celebrate the gender pay gap myth? Yes, they celebrate it. Despite being presented with evidence to the contrary, feminists insist the gender pay gap is real. While everyone else is debating the numbers, ask why feminists want to believe it. If you're a woman, and you believe women are paid less, when someone with a functioning noggin tells you it's crap, wouldn't you be relieved?

Feminists need the gender pay gap to be real so they can blame men, or the patriarchy, for their failings. They take the same approach in blaming their failings on "sexism." Read Dear CNN: Actually No. Everything at the Olympics is Not 'Sexist'...

A brief note: "Sexism" is different than sexism. Sexism, racism, and bigotry are real things. But "sexism" is a laughable reason to malign men. Just like "man-spreading," (a man spreading his legs because he has twigs and berries he'd rather not squash) isn't about taking up more room on the train in order to keep women standing. If you're complaining about "man-spreading" then you're worrying about "sexism" and not actual sexism. If you want to learn about actual, real sexism? Learn about Islam.

Onward and upward to our favorite race-baiting hashtagggers!

Black Lives Matter follows the same line, only they're not concerned with "sexism" so much as they're concerned with "racism." Look no further than white pretenders Shaun King and soul sister Rachael Dolezal. Both of whom have turned themselves "black" solely to capitalize on the victimhood status of poor, put-upon Black Americans. A narrative Black Lives Matter as a whole relies upon for funding, support and sympathy. Both King and Dolezal knew they had a much better chance of landing a job, or earning a scholarship, if they were black. Guess what? They were right...

Lastly for the sake of brevity, the LGBTQAAIP (silent F) movement. Not only have they exemplified today's current cult of victimhood status-worshippers, they're growing their ranks. They used to be "LGBT." Maybe they were even once LGB. But more hopeful victims wanted to join the boa-clad rainbow club. It wasn't enough to be a lesbian or gay. The asexuals had to get in on the victim action, since they weren't getting any action on their own. That is how asexuality works, yes?

Please don't answer that.

It seems the extremely vocal members of LGBTQAAIP (silent F) movement love to eat cake. Specifically cake baked by people who do not share the LGBTQAAIP (silent F)'s beliefs. For if a bakery refuses to patty-cake their pastry, they get their pants sued off. And not in a gay game way. You see, the secret ingredient is "pettiness."

One of the most famous, recent cases involved a little bakery in Oregon who didn't bake a gay cake for a pair of lesbians. Who, rather than finding a bakery who would cater to their mutual admiration for the diving of muff, decided to sue. We're talking about OREGON here. It's not exactly a bastion of right-wing extremism. But these two broads wanted their victim payday. They wailed and gnashed their teeth long enough they got over $100k from the mom and pop bakery, who just wanted to be left alone. But hey, why patronize a business which supports your lifestyle when you can MAKE money by suing one who doesn't?

Capitalism. You're doing it wrong. But you already knew that.

The victimhood business is growing. As it naturally would. We now have special committees of "sensitivity" put in place to ensure poor victims are not victimized. At least that's what it reads on the recycled-paper business cards. The real purposes of these "trust and safety councils" (we're looking at you Twitter. Read #FreeMilo: Milo Yiannopoulous Permanently Banned from Twitter) are watchdog groups, looking to make a mighty big buck.

Whining is not an equal opportunity venture, though. You must belong to a pre-determined victim group (as outlined above). You cis-gendered white men? No. You slobs just need to work like all the other non-victims, then pay your fair share to those pitiful slobs who cry wolf all day long. Naturally, the same applies to successful, attractive women. Got it? Know your place.

Written by Courtney Kirchoff and Steven Crowder