For seven seasons, actor Nick Offerman played Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation. Swanson was everything we hope to be when we grow up.
Offerman is less like Swanson in real life, and more like every other liberal cast member (except for Chris Pratt).
That is until Offerman tried opening a business and had to deal with government. Traditionally, this is when all of our inner Ron Swansons come out.
Just as he begins telling viewers why his whiskey is sure to beat out all the others, his phone rings. A bureaucrat is on the other end of the line, telling Offerman that he needs to apply for a permit, have a full background check conducted, and — taking a swipe at intellectual property — informs him that he does not have legal permission to use his own last name in the distillery, since another company has already had his name trademarked.
As is government’s specialty, the state’s hurdles crush Offerman’s entrepreneurial spirit. Realizing how tedious it is to set up an above board distillery, Offerman moves his business to the “black market,” selling his whiskey from a homemade booth akin to lemonade stands run by children in the summer.
Loving government is all fun and games until you want to hang yourself at the nearest tree. Street light. Lampost. That hanger you use to dry wet coats. Looks sturdy enough. Maybe shove it up a politicians rectum instead. It’ll save the planet. Not because of the decomposing body, but because plastic hangers are bad. Or something.
Violence is never the answer. It was a joke. Stop it.
Thoughts of violence are a side effect of dealing with government on any level, much less when you’re trying to make an honest living. Welcome to the club, Offerman. I’m personally outraged with government when I use my first grade math skills and figure out how much the blood sucking, venomous thieves are taking from my paycheck every month. I could’ve put that money to much better use than researching why lesbians get fat. Thanks, though.
Hopefully some of what Offerman said as Ron Swanson is starting to sink in.
Side note, seriously, who wrote Swanson’s lines and why aren’t they writing more libertarian characters?