It’s game day, people. As the teams prepare to hit the field for Super Bowl LII, Americans are stocking up on chips and queso. Colin Kaepernick is putting the final touches on his resume. Tom Brady is trying to figure out which of his remaining fingers gets the new ring. But, there’s on question everyone is asking. Will there be any douchetastic displays of kneeling during the anthem?
Former NFL baller, Herschel Walker, has his own theory.
“The league gave the players a large sum of money toward their cause. That’s hush money.”
Walker said Colin Kaepernick would not have begun kneeling for the anthem if he was the San Francisco 49ers starting quarterback, rather than the backup, in the 2016 season.”When you have an idle mind, you start doing things.”
“Yet you have guys who want to kneel, want to talk about their First Amendment rights. Well, your First Amendment right should be, ‘I want to stand for our military.”
Now, this bribery business is just Herschel’s perspective on the matter. But, it wouldn’t be at all surprising if Roger Goodell, that waste-of-space in a cheap suit, slipped a few cash-filled envelopes into kneeling players’ lockers. After all, this whole kneeling kerfuffle has been a disaster for the NFL brand. They’ve done a terrific job of dousing veterans with their spittle and flipping the bird to all forms of decency. As such, the NFL’s ratings are lower than a male BuzzFeed writer’s T-levels.
Only the pre-game will show if the alleged bribery had any effect. If it hasn’t, and the players kneel, I predict a steep nosedive in viewership just before the game starts. I don’t think these players realize there’s plenty other ways to spend a Sunday night.