"Til death do us part" is increasingly seen as a thing of the past, as more and more marriages crumble and couples divorce at an alarming rate. But not everyone is grumbling about their ball and chain wife or deadbeat husband. Some couples actually like see each other after work. Some people, in fact, are still quite happy with their marriages. Crazy, I know, but stay with me here. All will be explained.

The short explanation. Republicans. A whopping 67% of them are HAPPY with their marriages. We find out why in an illuminating article in the New York Times:

W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist, has written two recent papers noting that children in conservative parts of the country are more likely to grow up with both parents than in liberal ones. In both articles, he challenged the view that blue states are more conducive to stable family life than red states.

Now Mr. Wilcox, a professor at the University of Virginia, has published an analysis of data about individual families rather than geographical areas. And he argues this data continues to support his case that the so-called blue-state family model is overrated.

The majority of Democrats and Independents (60% each, respectively) are also happy with their marriages. But it's not just political views that determine martial bliss. white Americans and the religiously observant are both more likely to be Republicans and more likely to report having happy marriages. Dammit. "White privilege" strikes again.

A previous New York Times survey found that conservatives are just plain happier than liberals. Yes, America, Obama lied when he referred to them as "bitter clingers." We're actually happy clingers. People who cling to our spouses and children who we call boys or girls depending on... whether they're boys or girls. It's the all-tolerant progressives out there who live in leftist misery, as Pew Research Center pointed out:

Marital status also remains a key predictor in party affiliation - it's probably no coincidence that marriage is often seen as a sign of maturity... And mature people tend to be, um...conservative. Shhhhhh, don't tell Nancy Pelosi. She'll eat your children.

Allegedly.

Republicans are most likely to be married or widowed (that whole "Until death parts us" thing is kind of a big deal to Conservatives), whereas Democrats are most likely to be divorced. Democrats and Independents are also 3x more likely to be in a domestic partnership than someone who identifies as a Republican. Because the words "husband" and "wife" are seen as oppressive tools of patriarchy. Also, their lives suck.

The stats and graphs don't lie. If you're a conservative, you're more likely to be happy with your life. And if you're a Republican, you're more likely to be happy with your marriage. Maybe we should start offering voter registration forms alongside marriage licenses...

Ticket off? How about sauntering on over to my take on Why NOT Having Sex Might be Good for You?