Hellmuth Kolb sounds like one of those people who is really upset Jeffrey Epstein isn't out procuring small children for guys like him. He used to have a hookup, but every since Epstein "killed himself," he's had to go about things the old-fashioned way: walking up to parents and just asking if he can purchase their small children.

Kolb was arrested after attempting to purchase one woman's 8-year-old daughter at a Winn Dixie in Port Orange, Florida on Thursday. If you're wondering how that conversation went, you're in luck. The woman who was approached says he started with a bit of small talk, complimenting the child and saying that "he could never have children and he wanted children." At least he eased his way into it.

But then, I guess after she broke contact with Kolb and began to walk away, the New York Post reports that he chased down the mother and said, "Hey, I want to make a deal with you," before offering her $100,000 for her child.

Is that the market value of 8-year-olds these days? Seems a bit cheap to me, but then I'm also not in the business of putting price tags on human beings for any reason. That's gross.

What's incredible is that this wasn't the first time Kolb had attempted to purchase a child. In 2018, he offered $200,000 to buy a different 8-year-old from her mother in a Walmart.

Obviously, this guy has problems. And obviously, he should spend some time in prison. Luckily, he's 85 years old, so a few years in prison would effectively be a life sentence, and that sounds perfect to me.

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