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August 12, 2022
Watch as police subdue a naked man who attacked another man with a machete and tried to steal his clothes
One day you are minding your business. The next day, out of the wilderness, a naked man shows up with a machete and wants you to redistribute your clothes.
Of course, he's a Florida Man. Had he been a New York City Man, this story would be about him and his friends assaulting a child and already out on bail. Naked Machete Man would be out on bail in NYC, too. And still walking around buckass naked. (shout out to BizPacReview)
Unfortunately, the video is only of the arrest. The way the police tell the story on Facebook, the victim was out and about living his best life. He spotted Naked Man picking berries. Naked Man spotted the suspect and turned into Naked Machete Man! he demanded the suspect's wallet, phone, and clothes. As it turns out, Naked Machete Man only wanted to be Machete Man.
Or so we thought. As the victim was complying, Naked Machete Man through his machete and his berries (the ones he was picking, not his "berries") at the victim and ran off. Back to being Naked Man, he stole some other dude's Dodge and drove off.
Police put an end to his running at a gas station. The helicopter pilot was kind enough to record the arrest because they knew it would make for great content.
Naked Machete Man has been identified as Brandon Wright. He has been charged with attempted robbery with a deadly weapon, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
Unclear is what happened in Wright's backstory to turn him into Naked Machete Man. My guess is that Brandon Wright was coming home from work one day when a gang of nogoodniks robbed him of his clothes. In the melee, one of them dropped a machete. It was the third time that month he was robbed and had enough. Once he saw the machete lying in the street, he decided to live the rest of his life as Naked Machete Man, intent on inflicting pain on others so they would know how it felt.
Or something like that.
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