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Lockdown Fallout: New Study Shows Alarming Depression Rates Among High Schoolers

Courtney Kirchoff
July 22, 2020

It seems almost nothing will convince the "Covid will kill us all" pandemic porn addicts that the shutdown was a mistake. A "mistake" here is putting it mildly. Regardless of how deep they've shoved their heads in the sand, the aftereffects of the shutdown are coming to light. Consider this the first of many sad tales to come. A new research study out of the University of Wisconsin shows skyrocketing depression rates of high school kids due to a loss of school and sports. Kids. Depressed. Stick that in your worthless cloth mask and smoke it, you dimwitted twits:

Of the more than 3000 participants, 65% reported anxiety symptoms, with 25% suffering moderate or severe anxiety.

"But Courtney," I hear you say, "teenagers these days are just depressed in general because [reasons you're using to justify how stupid you look in a designer cloth mask so you can feel like you're saving lives by looking moronic]!" Funnily enough, the study also examines historical data to compare and contrast. Check it out:

Using historical data obtained from past research studies, the group determined that the rate of mild to severe depression increased from 31% to 68%. In the past 68% of respondents reported minimal or no depression, compared to just 32% in May of 2020.

Emphasis mine. Doing some basic math here, it looks like depression increased by multiples of two. As in it doubled.

Now sure, maybe these aren't your teenagers, so why should anyone but the parents of these kids care? We have grannies to save and businesses to torch! But wait, because it gets physically worse:

Physical activity was down 50% in May of 2020 compared to past results. In scores around quality of life, the physical health score decreased from 91.7 to 82.6, the psychosocial health decreased from 90.4 to 76.2, and overall health decreased from 90.9 to 78.4.

Sounds like kids' physical health is deteriorating. Far be it from me to say maybe we should take better care of our children, since I thought children were the future and all. Let's al keep in mind that according to numbers available, COVID-19 has a very high survival rate (numbers are still being bandied about and if I were to outline exactly what the current rate is, an "independent" fact checker would slap me sideways for daring to be positive). So in an abundance of caution, let's keep the children out of school, away from each other, away from their sports, sit them in their living rooms in a bubble, give them a gaming console and tell them to suck it up. If they're still struggling, let's pump them with drugs to shut them up. We gotta save all the old farts who are so sick with comorbidities, any exposure to coronavirus will send them to an earlier grave. Like a six month earlier grave. So you know. Screw your quality of life, teenager. Wear your mask. Distance your social life. Do as you're told by your government. Obey or we'll make you obey.

Did I mean for that last paragraph to get dark? Yeah I did. The pro-shutdown crowd is slowly killing the rest of us, so anything we can do to knock them off their moral high horse is a must in my book. Now go forth and keep tabs on what political leadership is endorsing these shutdowns and get them out of office come November.

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