There’s a reason we smack Lena Dunham around. Sure it’s fun, but it’s also easy. When an elephantine target waddles right into your line of site, it’s impossible not to slingshot a pie at her mirror-cracking vestige. We would throw cake, but since she’s not sitting atop a toilet, we chose pie. It’s November, so let’s go with pumpkin pie. Anyway, what has people saying of Lena Dunham “the least feminist thing I’ve ever heard” and “if Democrats don’t purge her ilk, they will lose all elections henceforth”? It’s Dunham’s ever deepening post election meltdown. What a glorious meltdown it is, too.
You may want to sit down, because there’s a lot of derp here…
It’s painful to know that white women, so unable to see the unity of female identity, so unable to look past their violent privilege, and so inoculated with hate for themselves, showed up to the polls for him, too.
Just when I thought leftist safety pin cushions were going to conduct a post-mortem of Hillary’s campaign, and, you know, learn from their mistakes, Lena goes and anger-taps over generalized dribble, opening herself up for mockery. This is why I love my job. No, I’m not being sarcastic.
Until the end of this post, I shall address Dunham (better known for molesting her sister and faking a rape story) directly. I know she probably won’t read it, but let’s just pretend.
Okay Lena sweet cheeks, here’s the 411 on “white women,” so pay attention. Not all white women take their thought cues or political beliefs from your internet shart. I mean your words smeared all over your website, like some kind of cultish motto at your pal’s spirit cooking. “White women” are not the monolithic group you seem to think they are. One can only assume if you herd white women into a specific group, you do the same with “black women” or “Asian men.” We call this sexism and racism. Two issues you claim to rail against while proudly wrapping their flags around your gelatinous form.
You see the world not as a collection of individuals, but peasants in serfdoms. To be commanded by the dukes and duchesses in your beloved Democratic party. In this specific case, you believed Hillary Clinton to be the pied piper of the mindless collective of “white women.”
But unlike you, women who think for themselves, who do not login to your Lenny Letter to receive their daily toddling orders, do not need to “see the unity of the female identity” and vote with their vaginas. Instead, Lena sweetie, they weighed their options. On one hand, they had Hillary Clinton, suspected witch, who left four Americans to die in Benghazi, covered up for her husband’s Rapescapades(TM), used an illegal email server, and (WORST OF ALL) chose psychedelically patterned tarps as acceptable attire.
On the other hand they had Donald Trump, crass billionaire, who said he could grab women “by the p*ssy” but who hadn’t left Americans to die, did not compromise national security with an illegal email server, but who did have bad hair.
Choices. They had two. But because you’re “pro-choice,” what you wanted them to do, Lena, was make the correct choice as decided by you. Vote for Madam Cankles. Instead these woman asserted their “violent privilege” (whatever the heck that means) to cast their vote for The Donald. This sent you spiraling further down into areas I’d rather not go, thanks. But you took us there. With more word shart.
We kept going, thinking these were the dying moans of the dragon known as the patriarchy being stabbed again and again in the stomach.
As horrifying as I found Donald Trump’s rhetoric, as hideous as I found his racism and xenophobia, as threatening to basic decency as I found his demagogue persona…
Imma stop you right there. There’s only so much stupid I can handle before my skin breaks out.
For what I know will not be the last time, Donald Trump isn’t a racist or a xenophobe for wanting the United States to respect immigration laws. Nor does “racism and xenophobia” apply to being cautious regards a certain political and religious ideology which is at war with western civilization. Islam, Lena. I’m talking about Islam. It’s not a race. You spewing about it will not make it a race. Anymore than you wearing a tiara will make you a princess.
And my favorite…
At home I got in the shower and began to cry even harder. My boyfriend, who had already wept, watched me as I mumbled incoherently, clutching myself. “It wasn’t supposed to go this way. It was supposed to be her job. She worked her whole life for the job. It’s her job.”
That’s what those of us on the right find so glorious. Hillary wanted to be president HER WHOLE LIFE and she got beat by a reality TV star with orange hair. Gawd was election night fun! If only it were Groundhog Day, so I could replay the liberal misery over and over.
But fortunately, dearest Dunham, we have your continued meltdown to watch gleefully. Which you’re delightfully sharing with the rest of us, likely echoing the deep sadness of your fellow leftist foot soldiers.
Oh Lena. Your continued misery is my joy. Your thoughtless ramblings about gender, that all women should vote for a woman because bewbs and vagina, only solidifies the Republican base. For 2018 and beyond.
So thanks, you blubbery blob of banality. Turns out there is a purpose and reason for everything. Next time sign off your online diatribe with a mailing address. I want to send you a Make America Great Again hat. Merry Christmas.