Another day, another Hollywood groper, rapist, assailant, insert other descriptors here _______. These instances are becoming more common than Larry's closet full of suspenders. Some of which he uses to snap at non-consenting tushes. Because yes, Larry "The Crypt-Keeper" King, possibly the most decrepit talk show host this side of Hades, has been accused of groping the bouncy booty of a friend's wife:

Terry Richard, an ex-wife of singer Eddie Fisher, claims that former CNN talk show host Larry King groped her at a public event on two separate occasions, she told DailyMailTV in an exclusive interview.

Richard said she had met King briefly in 2004 when her and her son had taken a photo with the talk-show legend.

See above. Doesn't look like, when the camera flashed, King was shoving his digits into Terry's forbidden crevice.

I apologize for nothing.

'Larry put his hand behind me on my back and as the photographer was taking our picture Larry slid his hand down from the middle of my back to putting his hand inside of my dress and it ended up with about three or four of his fingers in the crack of my a**, resting in the crack of my a**.

'He just stuck it in… I don’t know how he got [his hand] in there, but he did.

Now, Larry likely did this quickly, before Terry could brace for impact. Let not her description lead you to believe this was a thirty minute encounter, causing you to Monday morning quarterback her reaction. Men who stalk butt cracks squeeze faster than a ball boy in DeflateGate. See what I did there? Monday morning quarterback? DeflateGate?

I'll let myself out...

'I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked. I froze. I let out a "squelch."

Richard claims the second time was also while they were taking a photo together, and King, now 84, squeezed her butt so hard that it left a large bruise.

First, the non-serious:

Now the serious: here's my question, as a lady. Why take a photograph with someone who has a record for inserting his spindly fingers into the crack of poop-eradication? Because if it were me, and Larry "Creepy Hands" King had dug his digits into places where things go out, not in, I wouldn't stand near him. Unless, of course, I had a little surprise for him via special deployment.

We're getting dangerously close to TMI here. Let's just stop now, yeah?

Turns out Larry, like our non-friend Ben Affleck, has a penchant for the posteriors. Let all women who cross Larry's path be spared his handsy ways. Or deliver an appropriate surprise. "Larry, before we take this photo, pull my finger."

Hollywood needs to keep their hands to themselves.

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