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Jimmy Kimmel Accepts Ted Cruz's Basketball Challenge
Last week Jimmy Kimmel called Ted Cruz a blob fish. Ted Cruz took the high road. He challenged Kimmel to a basketball game, rather than comparing Kimmel to the genetic splicing of an abandoned puppy with a lab rat injected with feminism. Class.
After worrying about wardrobe like the sissy la-la bed-wetter he is, Kimmel has finally accepted the hoops challenge.
The backstory, in case you don't know: Ted was unhappy I compared him to a blob fish — even though, in fairness to me, he looks just like one. So this is happening — Ted man walking. We're still working out the details, but we're planning to do it Father's Day weekend.
Ted Cruz played varsity basketball. I played the clarinet in high school. And yet, I think about it, I cannot imagine any scenario in which I lose this game to that greasy blob fish — there's just no way.
I voted for Ted Cruz in the primaries and will continue supporting him for this match. Not just because I want to see Jimmy Kimmel cry when he loses to what he describes as a blob fish, but because... Okay, that's the only reason. I want to see Jimmy Kimmel cry after losing to a blob fish.
Because if Ted Cruz pulls some layups on Kimmel, Kimmel will have to say he lost a human sport to the world's ugliest fish. That's hitting squishy bottom.
Plus the trash-talk will be entertaining. Note I'm not describing the trash-talk as "epic." I can't see how two middle aged men who are not MMA fighters can do anything other than the tweet equivalent of pulling pigtails. But I'll still be entertained.