ISIS threatening to kill people, then following through in methods not even cheesy Bond villains would dare think up, is nothing new. The internet is loaded with stories about ISIS beheading people, stomping all over their bodies while laughing manically, drowning people and even burning them before drowning them. If nothing else, they are redundant in there methods of brutality. But ISIS micro-targeting a specific country using the language of that specific country? Ok, that’s new.

Also terrifying…

Bloodthirsty Daesh Islamists posted notes through the doors of dozens of random neighbours in several cities across Sweden, including the capital Stockholm, threatening to murder “non-believers” in a terrifying campaign of violence. Sweden is now on lockdown after the chilling letters pledged to behead innocent civilians and then “bomb your rotten corpses afterwards”.

Intelligence officials confirmed they are investigating the horrifying threats – which were signed by “ISIS” – as a state of fear gripped the nation. The notes, written in Swedish, order people to convert to Islam or pay a religious tax, known as the jizya, warning that the police “will not save you from being murdered”.

Ok, so this story isn’t funny, but I saw an opportunity for a Swedish Chef gif and I took it. Don’t judge…

See what I meant about the diabolical Bond villain? Neither Doctor No, Goldfinger, or whatever creeper Javier Bardem played in Skyfall would’ve thought this up. They were too busy working on their evil, overlord monologues. Priorities. They have them.

But ISIS takes diabolical to a whole new level. Black outfits and masks? They’ve the look down pat. But they didn’t stop there. Now they’re warning you Swedes if you don’t join Islam, you’ll die. Now’s about the time I make a joke about the religion of peace, right? I would, but I’d hate for you to find my humor repetitive. So I’ll weasel in a weiner joke instead. But not yet, you’ll have to wait for it. In the meantime, read this article on how Sweden, thanks to Islam, has become the rape capital of the West. So they’ve got that going for them, which is nice.

In both the figurative and literal sense of the word, ISIS consists of nothing but dicks. You’re welcome.

We joke and make snarky comments about ISIS or President Obama calling them the “JV Squad,” but it becomes less funny with every new ISIS attack.  Here’s what I don’t get…how exactly these letters got delivered in the first place. Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, if these letters were written in Swedish that a Swedish Muslim wrote them? Either a new immigrant or a first generation Swede who’s parents took advantage of Sweden’s open immigration policy? Just asking. Seems like that should be raising a few red flags here and there.

Then again, we’re just a bunch of racist, bigots who’ve read the Qur’an and have some semblance of the orders Muhammad (pedophelia be upon him) issued to his people. So the only thing surprising is the multilingualism, which we’ll admit, for a bunch of sand-dwelling, Tuscan-Raider equivalents, is mildly impressive.

Learn more about Muhammad, his life, and his commandments below.