Once upon a time there was a dude with a severe case of gender dysmorphia who, though some weird twist of how in the hell, amassed enough cash to butcher his body to look first like a horror-movie version of Ken Doll. That didn't make him feel quite right, so now he's the horror-movie version of Barbie. Estrogen butt-injections sold separately.

Rodrigo Alves isn't done yet. In a case of addition by subtraction, "Roddy" had his fake abs removed, will add fake tits, and is lathering on the female stereotypes with plenty of insults with his shallow understanding of women.

Warning: plenty of "woman-splaining" about what it means to actually be a woman. Read also Dear Transwomen: No, You DON'T Know What it Feels Like to be a Woman.

From the UK Mirror:

“I’m a woman and have always had a feminine brain. Now my body matches my mind.”

What, pray tell, is a "feminine brain"? From my lifelong observations, I've generally noted men find women mysterious at best, but confusing most of the time. There's a saying which has become a meme that goes something like this: "Men, don't try to understand women. Women understand women, and that's why they don't like each other."

It's a simple meme with some truth. In general, I like the people I like, be they men or women. I don't dislike women for being women as I don't dislike men for being men. Where the meme is right is women understand each other, and therefore we have less sympathy for them when they're up to their tricks. We know the game, we know how it's played, we can see it being played.

If I were to describe the "feminine brain" to a man I'd keep it simple: take how smart you think a woman is and multiply it by ten. Women's thoughts are layered, complex, calculated, and cunning. It is a grave mistake for men to underestimate women and to oversimplify us, which only leads to trouble. Usually for the men.

Now marvel at Rodrigo's understanding of the ladies:

“Behind closed doors, I’ve been living as a woman for the last three months,” she said. “I love it and everything that comes with it – going to nice hair salons and getting my nails, eyebrows and eyelashes done. Buying dresses and high heels and wearing sexy lingerie."

A woman is not a woman because she gets her hair done and her nails did. A woman is not a woman because she shells out fat stacks to have defined brows and lucious lashes. A woman is not a woman because she buys dresses, high heels, and lingerie. All of which she sheds as quickly as she can when she gets home, by the way. If you think most women look like Barbie when they cross the threshold, oh honey. Also, a lot of women skip everything Rodrigo thinks "comes with being a woman."

A man is not a man for hitting the gym, buying razors which he may or many not employ, tube socks by the pack, and generic sweat pants because why shell out more money for the same product? A man is a man because he's a man.

It really is that simple.

“I would see a ­beautiful woman and feel jealous because I wanted to be like them.

“I think like a woman, I act like a woman because I have always been one deep inside.” Roddy admits it was emotional ­telling her mum and sister she was transitioning but they were supportive.

Yet again, Rodrigo doesn't ever define how he "thinks" like a woman. I frequently hear men say "Here's what women need to know about men..." usually followed by something men think we don't understand about men, but we generally already know. I love you guys, but you're about a subtle as falling acme anvils. Women have decided to find this charming. But knowing stuff men think we don't is kind of part of the female experience. Related: Top 5 Truths on Women and What Women Want with a Little Help from Jordan Peterson.

Listen, none of this "What makes a woman a woman" spiel is in anyway meant to diminish what makes a man a man. I am "woman-splaining" because there's no possible way Rodrigo wanting to wear a lacy bra could ever translate into the delicate complexities of the true female mind, body, and emotional infrastructure. Just as a woman saying "I feel macho" doesn't make her a man nor provides insight into the complexities of the male experience. Okay? Okay.

“I have always been attracted to straight men because I am a straight woman. I was rarely in relationships and I don’t have much relationship experience.”

Let's review.

• A man who's attracted to women is a straight man.
• A man who's attracted to other men is a gay man.
• A woman who's attracted to men is a straight woman.
• A woman who's attracted to other woman is a lesbian woman.
• A man who's pretending to be a woman by embodying female stereotypes as portrayed in classic cartoons, who's attracted to men is a gay man. He's insulting the actual gay and lesbian community by insisting he's straight then running to the nail salon to "appear" more ladylike. Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline, but maybe he's just a douche.

“Men look at me because they desire me. And women look at me because they want to copy what I’m wearing.

No. No. No. Also, and listen up, no.

“It’s a totally different type of ­attention. Before, people looked at me because I looked very androgynous and weird for a man.

“Now I hope they are looking because they think I am a beautiful woman.”

Alternate theory: no.

Explanation: they're looking at Rodrigo the same reason they're looking at the car completely pulled off the side of the road during rush hour, which may even be on the other side of the free or tollway. You people are the worst. They're looking at Rodrigo the same way one checks one's shoe bottom after nailing a home-intruder of the arachnoid variety. They're looking at Rodrigo like they're watching reality television. They're looking at Rodrigo for the same reason readers are now, to marvel at such a freak.

Pretty men and pretty women get plenty of admiring eyeballs, sure. Yes, women check out other women. The reasons aren't always simple, though they usually are. Women admire beauty in plenty of forms. We like looking at pretty things, even if that's another woman. No, not always with jealousy, but sometimes with jealousy. "Oh wow, she's really pretty" is generally what we say/think when we see a really pretty lady and it ends there. No cat claws, no hissing, just "she's pretty" and we've moved on.

The belief women look at other women because we're jealous and want to be just like them, well that's a thought some men have about women. Which is pretty on brand for Rodrigo, who is a man.

In summary, Rodrigo is an asshole. Rodrigo is the kind of man who believes a woman's main purpose is to be pretty, to be admired by men, to make other women jealous... and that's it. He is self-centered douche with a clear mental problem. He's not welcome in the feminine club, and I daresay he's not welcome in the masculine club. What he first needs is psychiatric help, then maybe a few lessons in manners.

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