Home Inspector Caught Doing 'Bad Things' to Elmo Doll After Parents Left
I know that we live in a messed-up society. But I would like to think if you're selling your home, you should be able to step away while it's being inspected and not have to worry about grown men sexing up your kid's stuffed animals. A family in Michigan discovered that sadly, that's not a world we live in. Kevin Wayne VanLuven — I swear, that's his name — was supposed to be inspecting a house for a real estate agent. Instead, he inspected the closet of the toddler living there.
This the most offensive thing I've seen happen to a Sesame Street character since they made Cookie Monster a spokesman for knife control. (h/t Outkick)
When you sell toys with buttons in genital areas, this is who they grow up to be. People like this are why our Founding Father'ss may have been too hasty doing away with cruel and unusual punishment.
VanLuven was charged with "aggravated indecent exposure" and "destruction of personal property." Both charges combined carry up to $2,500 in fines and between 93 days and two years in jail. Unfortunately, Being a Scumbag in the First Degree isn't a crime. "Aggravated" is an interesting word, because the pervert didn't look aggravated. "Aggravated" would be a mild way of describing it if the father walked in. The "destruction" of "personal property" would be what the father did to the pervert's face. Though I doubt he would have been charged. Yes, even in Michigan.
Oh, also, VanPervert is "not to be alone in any residential property he does not own" and needs to get a mental health evaluation. You would think his mental health was evaluated when he took his willy out (allegedly) and stuck it in a stuffed animal. But I'm not a licensed therapist.
Sheriff Michael Bouchard had this to say about the disturbing actions:
Sadly, in today's world we cannot take it on faith that the people we let into our homes can be trusted. We cannot always presume that employers have done their job and have confidence their employees are trustworthy and are there to do the job for which they've been hired. This is a disgusting reminder to be cautious about who you let into your home. The actions of these homeowners will likely prevent this defendant from going into anyone else's home.
The actions of these homeowners should prevent this defendant from going out in public anywhere. At the very least, not until after his lengthy 93-day jail sentence. Where he's hopefully forced to dress like Elmo with a sign around his neck saying what he's there for.
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