A FedEx driver saw a group of leftist protesters burning the American flag. He grabbed a fire extinguisher and leaped to action...

"When I see the flag, I see racial injustice," said Paul Osgerby of Iowa City. "I see social injustice from Native American genocide to African-American slavery to failing to recognize women as citizens until the 20th century."

Still, the actions caused a scene on the pedestrian mall across from the Old Capitol Mall, as onlookers shouted and a man in a FedEx uniform, Matt Uhrin, rushed out with a fire extinguisher to put out the blaze. Uhrin took one of the flags from protesters, scuffling with a number of protesters in the process.

Ok, first thing. FedEx guy?

Now for the protesters...I'm not here to say you can't burn the American flag. I realize that's a double negative. Math in writing. Look it up. You having the right to burn the flag in effigy allows me the right to burn a likeness of your mother in effigy as a counter protest. I'm working on the effigy now. Your mom looks like half wild boar and half of Lena Dunham's wrinkly buttocks, right? Because that's how it's turning out.

But have none of you realized burning the flag has an adverse effect on your message (see Cops Save Flag Burning Idiot From Setting Self Aflame at RNC and Tucker Carlson Makes Mince Meat of College Student Who Hates American Flag)?

Actually, if I go back and watch the video, it's kind of clear to me now. These protesters really are halfwits. And yes, I'm judging them by their appearances. Well, and the words that come squirting out of their facial apertures.

I mean, seriously. Get some new material, kids.

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