The problem with feminists is not their supposed "pro-woman ra-ra" message. If their message was indeed "pro-woman" without stomping all over men and the soft bones of unborn babies. No, the main problem with feminists is their complete lack of self-awareness, mixed in with a dash of shrewish bitchiness. I can say that, I be a lady. Heck, as a woman I'm very ra-ra ladies. I want everyone, men and women alike, to succeed and do what they want in pursuit of happiness. But feminists hate actual choice. Feminists hate that not everyone is a miserable, insufferable butterwhale adhering to the exact same dogma. A recent example of this is Saira Rao. She posted a lengthy thread complaining about her friends dumping her dimpled tushie because they refused to give up WHITENESS.

Marvel at this mess with me, but via screen capture. Because, not kidding, as I was writing this story, Saira protected her tweets.

Think about this for a second. Saira admits "black and brown women" have white women friends. What a wonderful, progressive world we live in where people of all colors and genders can be friends. Kind of disproves the entire notion that racism is a deeper problem than it actually is.

So what does this feminist do? She looks for a way to torpedo the entire thing. She calls "whiteness" a powerful drug, and then goes onto explain what she says is "whiteness."

Before we continue, who wants to brunch with this lady? Hard pass from me, and I love brunch.

Honest question: what in the actual hell is "internally oppressed"? I feel like I'm missing something.

Saira seemed to have good friends who were kind to her as friends usually are. But that wasn't good enough for our feminist spreading misery like the latest STD. Instead of having great friends who cared for her, she drove them away by blaming their whiteness for... well, I'm not sure what we can blame on whiteness. Maybe she explains later.

As a general rule, though: friends don't like being made to feel guilty for their race. Imagine me going to QuarterBlack and telling him to surrender his QuarterBlackness, calling it a powerful drug to which he was addicted. Like crack. Imagine me spamming QuarterBlack's email inbox with essays about how Tupac was overrated, and that Michael Jordan led the people from greatness with a branded shoe.

Who else knows how we're defining WHITENESS? I'm still clueless. But maybe that's because I'm tan-ish white. That's like a white but not as white. Just take the color white and darken it. A couple of coffee shades.

Saira wasn't abandoned because the white girl club was tired of her not being white. You know that. I know that. Saira's gal pals know that. Saira doesn't.

So for Saira, let me be as clear as white milk diluted with distilled water: your friends actually abandoned you because you're an insufferable screech puppet. If you don't believe me, go find some recent vegans who lost friends after trying to push Tofu Muffins on them insisting they were "just as good." LIES.

People don't like the sanctimonious lectures from soap-box mounting trolls, being told how terrible they are for something you've decided is worthy of ALL CAPS.

Oh, oh, finally a definition of WHITENESS: brunch, weddings, spin classes. That's what seems like Saira is defining as WHITENESS.

College Humor defined that as BASIC BITCHNESS. As a proud, unapologetic BASIC BITCH myself, I can tell you we accept all ladies of all races. And probably genders, if I'm being honest. If Blaire White likes leggings, scented candles and Pumpkin Spice Lattes, then I will send an invite to Sunday brunch.

Here's a little secret that's not a secret: girls like hanging out together doing things they like together. Heck, this isn't limited to ladies. Friends usually enjoy each other's company doing the things they enjoy. If you like spin class, there's probably a gaggle of gals who'd be happy to welcome you into their spin class click.

Just don't guilt them for liking what they like and try to wean them off of it just because you read something in Jezebel.

Also, brunch, spin class and weddings have absolutely NOTHING to do with burning crosses on a black person's front lawn. Eggs over easy with coffee around ten o'clock in the morning, wearing a scarf and possibly some Uggs (please don't wear these out, ladies), isn't the same as lynching black people. I want to be super clear about this, as I plan on having another brunch and would really appreciate it if I wasn't called a KKK member for joining my girl squad for pastries.

Now there is a case to be made about spin class being kind of evil, but only as a joke. Only if you're using an Air Dyne.

The problem Saira Rao and all feminists have with not just their friends, but society at large, is their lack of understanding of the effect third-wave feminism has.

Third-wave feminism is a tumor. How's that for a metaphor? Saira can take her KKK comparison and shove it up her back hole. That's if she can fit anything else up there, what with the giant sequoia already taking residence.

A person's skin color is just that. But liking comfortable things, enjoying companionship with others, that isn't about race. Nor really is it about gender. People form friendships around common interests and values, and when those common interests and values are frayed by a whiny bitch gnawing at them like some homeless puppy on scraps, the bonds of friendship are broken.

Saira could've severed these friendships any number of ways, because "WHITENESS" was never the problem. WHITENESS isn't a problem. BLACKNESS isn't a problem. BROWNNESS isn't a problem. SELF-CENTERED, WHINY, ENTITLED, LECTURING, SANCTIMONIOUS BITCHNESS is the problem.

Feminists would do well to remember that, lest they be without friends next time Starbucks releases the #PSL.

~ Written by Courtney Kirchoff