Okay. So maybe you won't actually die. But that whole beard trend? It's waaaaaay more than a mere hipster embarrassment in other parts of the world.

Hopefully - and this is just from a lowly female's perspective - the weird American hipster beard trend is almost over. Grow it for the playoffs, athletes. Grow it if you're spending the next 16 months in the Arctic, mountain men. But for the rest of you, a beard just because... well, the fact is, most women I know would prefer you clean shaven.  (Runs and hides...)

Anyway, back on topic... if you live under ISIS rule, the beard isn't an option, gents. Grow it or face the music. As in, extended prison time. Or worse.

Baby face? No excuse. Sensitive skin? No excuse. Wife's preference? Pshah! NOBODY CARES.

"My facial hair is just slow to come out for my age," 18 year old Laith Ahmedhe told the AFP from Mosul. "I'm scared because they deal ruthlessly with anyone who opposes or ignores their instructions," Laith said. How serious was he? He declined to give his real name for fear of retribution.

Which begs the question, why? The Hadith has a lot to say about beards. Like, don't associate with men that don't grow one. And trim the moustache, but keep your beard flowing. Sheesh.

Still, though. Prison seems kinda harsh for a facial hair violation, doesn't it?

Then again, we're dealing with Islam, Muhammad and the people who follow him. So the lines of what constitute "harsh" get kind of blurred.

ISIS needs to go away. They slaughter men, women, and children mercilessly. And now... they force men to grow beards. Will the madness ever end?

Nope. Not unless we end it. Once we do, let's get those boys some shaving cream. Stat.